Q: Why did the Turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station.
Author: admin
Falling blonde
A BLONDE AND A BRUNETTE JUMP OFF A CLIFF AT THE SAME TIME, WHICH ONE HITS THE FLOOR FIRST?
THE BRUNETTE , BECAUSE THE BLONDE HAS TO STOP TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS
Do as I say!
One night a couple known for their arguments was at it again.
This time it was because she hadn’t fed the dog, and man did he love that mutt.
Towards the end of the arguement, he was walking out, coat in hand, yelling about how she better feed his dog, and as a treat, give him one of those bones he likes.
With a smirk on her face, she silently nodded her head and watched him walk out.
An hour later when he returned, he and his buddy caught his wife fucking the dog!
With a shocked expression, he stuttered out, “W-what are you doing!?”
Turning to see him, she smiled like a cheshire cat and replied, “Well… you said to give him a bone he likes, so I did!”
Submitted by whisperin_bullhorn
Edited by Curtis
Dos amigas se encuentran en
Dos amigas se encuentran en una tienda de departamentos:
“�Mariiitza!, qu� gusto verte, la �ltima vez coincidimos en la boda de Carmelita, hace como 15 a�os”. “S�, as� fue.” “�Oye!, por poco y no te reconozco, �qu� acabada est�s!” “Yo tampoco te reconoc�a, de no ser por tu vestido, no me hubiera acordado de ti.”
Black attack
why do niggers where thick brim hats?
so birds wont shit on there lips
Clinton bumper sticker
Honk if Bill Clinton says you’re rich!
Girlfriend Upgrades
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriend Plus 1.0 (marketing name: Fiance 1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiance 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it’s a memory hogger: has taken up all his space.
Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything and seems to conflict/interfere with other tasks running such as hockey 2.1, squash 3.01 and boys out 1.2. Although he didn’t ask for them, Wife 1.0 came with auto-installed Plug-Ins such as Mother In Law and Brother In Law.
Some features I’d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend 4.0…
– A “Don’t remind me again” button
– Minimize button
– Shutdown feature
– An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don’t lose cache and other objects)
– “Abort” button (O.K. that one’s pretty bad – but had to say it)
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn’t have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing that sucks–in all versions of Girlfriend that I’ve used is that it is totally “object orientated” and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.
***** BUG WARNING ********
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources. Wife 1.0 will then spawn off the virus Lawyer 6.66 which, when activated, consumes all available resources and brings your system to it’s knees. The funny thing is, if you try to hide Mistress 1.1 in high memory, Wife 1.0 will eventually detect it and begin the process described above.
One and the same.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal’ while the other goes to a family in Spain and is named ‘Juan’.
Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds…
“But they are twins and if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.”
Un psic�logo se dedica a
Un psic�logo se dedica a aplicar ex�menes para estimar el coeficiente intelectual de la gente. Una de las preguntas en el test es contar del uno al diez. Llega el primer entrevistado:
“A ver, cuente del uno al diez”.
“Diez, nueve, ocho, siete, seis, cinco, cuatro, tres, dos, uno”.
“�Qu�?”
“Uy, perd�n, es que ver�, como yo trabajaba en la NASA, me acostumbre a contar al rev�s y…”
Aparece el segundo:
“A ver, preste atenci�n porque esta pregunta es muy f�cil pero le puede hacer perder puntos; cu�nteme del uno al diez.”
“Uno, tres, cinco, siete, nueve, dos, cuatro, seis, ocho, diez.”
“�Qu�?”
“Ay, lo siento, ver�, es que yo trabajaba de cartero, y claro, acostumbrado a ver los n�meros pares a un lado de la calle y los impares al otro pues…”
Finalmente entra un tercer individuo:
“Bueno, y ahora llegamos a una pregunta un poco delicada porque �usted sabr� contar, verdad?”
“Hombre, por supuesto. Sepa que yo soy diputado y que para conseguir mi trabajo tuve que pasar unas oposiciones muy duras para las que deb� estudiar mucho”.
“Aj�, me alegro. Bueno, pues cu�nteme del uno al diez”.
“Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, sota, caballo, rey…”
Yo momma so stupid, when she threw a grenade,…
Yo momma so stupid, when she threw a grenade, i picked it up, pulled out the pin and threw it back.
Much better
One guy asks another:
“Did you have a chance to sleep with my wife yet?”
“What are you saying? I would never even think about such things.”
“Well. You might want to. She is much better, then yours.”
Explorer in the Amazon
Once there was an explorer lost in the deepest part of the Amazon. After a
few days, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by hundreds of
blood-thirsty natives. He looks up to the sky and says, “Oh my God, I’m
screwed!!” All of a sudden, the sky opens up, and then there is a beam of
light streaming down on him, and a voice booms out, “No, you are NOT
screwed. Pick up that stone at your foot, and smash it onto the skull of
the chief.” So the explorer looks down, and sees the stone. He picks it
up, and bash the life out of the cheif, who is standing right in front of
him. And he stands on the chief, triumphant, puffing and puffing, with the
bloody stone in his hand. And the chief is down on the ground, bleeding
and lifeless, with his tribesmen in shock and disbelief. Now, the sky
opens up once again, and the voice booms out… “NOW, you’re screwed.”