Author: admin

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be permitted to stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave.The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe, to represent them in the debate. Rabbi Moishe, however, could not speak Latin and the Pope could not speak Yiddish. So it was decided that this would be a “silent” debate.On the day of the great debate, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and said, “I concede the debate. This man has bested me. The Jews can stay.”Later, the Cardinals gathered around the Pope, asking him what had happened. The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us of our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”Meanwhile, the Jewish community crowded around Rabbi Moishe, asking what happened. “Well,” said Moishe, “first he said to me, ‘You Jews have three days to get out of here.’ So I said to him, ‘Up yours’. Then he tells me the whole city would be cleared of Jews. So I said to him, ‘Listen here Mr. Pope, the Jews … we stay right here!””And then?” asked a woman.”Who knows?” said Rabbi Moishe. “We broke for lunch.”

One day Jesus was out for a walk, strolling near the walls surrounding heaven,
when he heard an old man’s voice call from the other side.

“Hello? Hello?”

Jesus replied, “Who is it?”

“Just a poor, old carpenter searching for his son,” the old man replied.

Jesus’ heart leapt with joy and he called out, “Joseph?”

The voice answered back, “Pinocchio?”

Little Jimmy is at school and the teacher says “your homework is to work out
the difference between potential and reality”.Jimmy goes home and has no idea
,so he asks his dad.His dad thinks about it and tells Jimmy to ask his mum if
she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid.He asks his mum and she
says”don`t tell your dad ,but yes i would for a million quid.” Jimmy goes and
tells his dad all this and his dad says “Go and ask your little sister if she
would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid” he asks his sister and she
says “don`t tell your dad but yes , i would for a million quid” Jimmy goes and
tells his dad this and his dad says “There you go Jimmy , thats the difference
between potential and reality.Potentially we`re sitting on two million quid, in
reality we`re living with a couple of slags”.