Q: What did did the mother duck say to the little duck. A: If you don’t behave, I’m gonna quack you one.
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The white Mom
Your Momma is so white she crys milk and shits out chalk.
Bee Milky
What kind of bees make the best milk? Boo-bees!
What have sperm and refugees got in common?…
What have sperm and refugees got in common?
They both come in their millions and only one fucker works!!
Mueller with his wife and mother-in-law .
Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a Far East country. At
a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native
people take as an insult to the royal family.
Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are
sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them is to receive 50 lashes on the
rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn’t want to appear
hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand,
as long as it is able to be fulfilled.
Mrs. Mueller is first.
“What do you wish for yourself?”
“I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings.”
“Okay, that shall be granted to you.”
Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment.
But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a
couple of times, she receives a few blows.
Next it is Mueller’s mother-in-law’s turn.
“What do you wish for yourself?”
“I would like a pillow bound on my rear end and a pillow bound on my back
before the lashings.”
“Okay, that shall be granted to you.”
The mother-in-law receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through
the pillows.
Then comes Mueller himself.
“What do you wish for yourself?”
“I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?”
“Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for
you, as long as they are reasonable.”
“I would like 100 lashes instead of 50.”
The executioner is surprised, but recovers again right away and replies, “Yes,
that is a pious wish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?”
“I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back.”
Raggedy Ann
What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?A little red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
�Qu� es un perro?
�Qu� es un perro?
Los perros pasan todo el d�a tirados en el m�s c�modo mueble que se puedan encontrar en la casa.
Ellos pueden o�r una lata de comida que se abra a media cuadra, pero no pueden o�rte aunque est�s en la misma habitaci�n.
Ellos se ven tontos y tiernos al mismo tiempo.
Ellos hacen ciertos sonidos cuando no est�n felices.
Cuando t� quieres jugar, ellos quieren jugar.
Cuando quieres que te dejen en paz ellos tambi�n quieren jugar.
Ellos dejan sus juguetes donde quiera.
Ellos hacen cosas asquerosas con la boca y despu�s te quieren besar.
Te miran directamente a tu zona p�bica tan pronto te conocen.
Conclusi�n: Los perros son peque�os hombres envueltos en piel.
�Qu� es un gato?
Los gatos hacen los que ellos quieren cuando ellos quieren.
Rara vez te escuchan.
Son totalmente impredecibles.
Cuando quieres jugar quieren que los dejes en paz.
Cuando quieres estar en paz ellos quieren jugar.
Ellos esperan que los atiendas cada vez que ma�llan.
Cambian de humor f�cilmente.
Dejan pelos por donde quiera.
Conclusi�n: Los gatos son peque�as mujeres envueltas en piel.
Nurse Nancy
Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.
”She’s out of control!” the first doctor says. ”She does everything
backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine
every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he almost died!”
”That’s nothing,” said the second doctor, �earlier this week I told her to
give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one
hour!”
All of a sudden they heard a blood curdling scream from down the hallway.
”OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths
boil!”’
STRAWBERRYHILL
ONE DAY THERE WAS A THREE BOYS WHO WERE LATE FOR CLASS.
THE FIRST BOY WAS ONE HOUR LATEAND THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHY WERE YOU LATE FOR SCHOOL”?HE SAYS,”BECAUSE I WAS ON STRAWBERRYHILL”.
THEN THE SECOND BOYWAS TWO HOURS LATE FOR CLASS AND THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHY WERE YOU LATE FOR CLASS”?HE ANSWERED,”I WAS ON STRAWBERRYHILL”.
THEN THE THIRD BOY WAS THREE HOURS LATE FOR CLASS THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHY WERE YOU LATE FOR CLASS”?HE SAYS,”I WAS ON STRAWBERRYHILL”.
TEN MINUTES LATER A LITTLE GIRL WALKS IN AND THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHO MIGHT YOU BE”?SHE SAYS,”I AM STRAWBERRYHILL”!
Yo mammas phone number
When yo mamma stepped on the scale she saw her phone number.
If your parents didn’t have children, chances…
If your parents didn’t have children,
chances are you won’t either.
Women’s Breasts Like a Train Set
Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.