How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb.
Want to go ride bikes.
Author: admin
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!!”
Babies
Q. What’s easier to unload, a truck of ping pong balls , or a truck full of dead babies?
A. Dead babies, you can use a pitchfork.
Response to "Rules Chicks Don’t Understand"
I read this and I just want to set this creep straight. I will
add my comment after his.
Rules chicks don’t understand:
1. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a blowjob in the morning.
Response: Do it yourself. If your dick won’t reach, you’re not
my boyfriend.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.
R: That might work. But first you must learn to aim. No lady is
willing to put down a urine covered toilet seat.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
R: Tell ya what, YOU can take care of this hair for a day and
maybe you’ll change you mind about that.
4. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”
R: If that were true, women would be lesbians.
5. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
R: Sunday = one of the two days of the week I’m not working
because you sit your ass in front of the T.V. set all day long.
6. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
R: Then why do you always tell me my ass looks big in everything
I wear.
7. You have enough clothes.
R: We may, but with all the breast implants you make us get it
calls for new bras, dresses, shirts, bathing suits….
8. You have too many shoes.
R: Well in order to “look fine” in everything we wear we have to
have a matching pair with every outfit.
9. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us
to like it.
R: Get a bigger dick and we’ll stop crying.
10. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and
your Dad probably is too.
R: Our brothers are related, they must have some intelligence.
Yes our ex-boyfriends are idiots, why else would we have dumped
them? My father IS an idiot, he gave YOU permission to marry me.
11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
R: That depends on the question.
12. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
R: It’s a waste of $$. He’ll only tell me to make you turn down
the damn T.V.
13. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a blowjob in the morning.
R: Again, do it yourself. If your dick isn’t big enough your not
my boyfriend.
14. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
R: Don’t do 50 things wrong and there won’t be 50 rules.
15. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
R: if we stopped faking, you’d tell us you’d rather be deceived
than ineffective.
16. It is neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
R: If I brought it up its in my interest.
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
R: If we followed that rule then we would lose all the fights
like you.
18. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
R: If we dressed like Victoria’s Secret then it would no longer
be a secret.
19. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we
know how pretty you are?
R: Here is how. You stop looking at other women and we’ll SHOW
you and let you EXPERIENCE our true beauty.
20. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
R: Who said we didn’t want the genie to come out?
21. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
R: How about turning off the damn T.V. and making eye contact
with us for 10 minutes?
22. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do
we.
R: Christopher Columbus reached America, not his destination.
23. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their
right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
R: Do you know how much we sweat down there?!?! If we didn’t air
it out you wouldn’t enjoy them as much.
24. When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the
off-ramp, you saying, “This is our exit,” is not strictly
necessary.
R: Your right its not. Only a blonde would say that. Because we
all know that it isn’t the exit you really want.
25. Nothing says ‘I love you’ quite like a blowjob in the
morning.
R: Again, do it yourself, if you dick isn’t long enough your not
my boyfriend.
Stupid Question
A Cardiologist came up with a new operating procedure that would cut down the
time that heart surgery would take and would cause less trauma to the patient.
He was praised by his peers when he presented it at a convention in Washington
D.C.He was also paid $50,000 to present his find. He did a couple more of these
presentations and realized that it would be more lucrative to do lectures on his
find than to work as a surgeon. So he decided to do the lectures full-time. He
hired a driver and purchased a limousine.
One day, after he’d been doing the lecture circuit for about 6 months, his
driver turns to him and says, “You know….This is completely unfair.” “What do
you mean?” asks the surgeon.
“Well, you get paid $50,000 every time you do this lecture and that’s more
than I get paid in a year,” replies the driver.
The surgeon explains to him that it is a very complicated procedure and that
he is the only person that can give this lecture.
“That’s not true. I can do your lecture blindfolded. I have seen you do your
lecture so many times that I know it by heart,” says the driver.
“Well if that’s the case, I’ll tell you what. You do this lecture and you can
keep the $50,000 if you do it right.” replies the surgeon.
The driver replies, “Ok. You’re on.”
So when they arrive at the lecture hall, the surgeon and the driver change
coats and the surgeon puts on the driver’s hat and sits in the back of the
room.
The driver nails the presentation. Not only that, he also answers all the
questions without any problems. Just when the driver thinks he’s done, an
audience member, wearing a lab coat and tape covered glasses stands up and asks
a complex question that the driver is not able to answer.
“You know…” says the driver, “I have done this lecture 287 times and I have
never been asked such a stupid question. As a matter of fact, that question is
SO stupid that I am going to let my driver answer it.”
For him.
You have a problem, your a syameese twin and your twin is gay, only problem is your joint by the arse.
STRAWBERRYHILL
ONE DAY THERE WAS A THREE BOYS WHO WERE LATE FOR CLASS.
THE FIRST BOY WAS ONE HOUR LATEAND THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHY WERE YOU LATE FOR SCHOOL”?HE SAYS,”BECAUSE I WAS ON STRAWBERRYHILL”.
THEN THE SECOND BOYWAS TWO HOURS LATE FOR CLASS AND THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHY WERE YOU LATE FOR CLASS”?HE ANSWERED,”I WAS ON STRAWBERRYHILL”.
THEN THE THIRD BOY WAS THREE HOURS LATE FOR CLASS THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHY WERE YOU LATE FOR CLASS”?HE SAYS,”I WAS ON STRAWBERRYHILL”.
TEN MINUTES LATER A LITTLE GIRL WALKS IN AND THE TEACHER ASKS,”WHO MIGHT YOU BE”?SHE SAYS,”I AM STRAWBERRYHILL”!
En una playa rescatan a
En una playa rescatan a una persona que se hab�a ahogado. Llega r�pidamente un hombre, se agacha se le monta encima, le abre la boca y empieza a chupar, en cada chupada saca agua.
Pasa rato y sigue sac�ndole agua. Una persona que estaba al lado, que est� viendo todo, le dice:
“Oye, como no le saques el culo del agua vas a secar el mar.”
Q: How many John
Q: How many John Majors does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Two. One to not do anything about it and one to try and blame the failure of the old bulb on the Labour party who put the original bulb in place 17 years ago.
Ways to tell someone their fly is open.
20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17. You’ve got Windows on your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
12. Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5. You’ve got your fly set for “Monica” instead of “Hillary.”
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…
3. You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
1. I thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see your nuts.
Degenerate
After his motion to surprises evidence was denied by the court the angered
attorney spoke up, “Your Honor,” he said, “what would you do if I called you a
stupid, degenerate, old fool.” The Judge, now also angered, revered, “I would
hold you in contempt of court and seek to have you suspended from practicing
before this court again!” “What if I only thought it?” asked the attorney. “In
that case, there is nothing I could do, you have the right to think whatever you
want.” “Oh, I see. Then, if it pleases the court, let the record reflect, that I
‘think’ you’re a stupid, degenerate, old fool.”
Big Breasts
Why do blondes have big breasts?
God had to put their brain somewhere.