Author: admin

Squeezing into the Telephone Box

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Q: How do you get 30 Israelis into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s air-tight

Q: How do you get 30 Americans into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s got oil in it

Q: How do you get 30 French into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s not in Iraq

Q: How do you get 30 Europeans into a telephone box?
A: Tell them there’s no fighting involved

Q: How do you get 30 British politicians in a telephone box?
A: Tell them there are votes in it

Q: How do you get 30 Brits into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s safer than a Tornado

Q: How do you get 30 British MI5 men into a telephone box?
A: Tell them an Iraqi lives there

Q: How do you get 30 British-resident Iraqis into a telephone box?
A: Tell the MI5 men it’s Penton-ville Prison

Q: How do you get 30 Russians into a telephone box?
A: Tell them there’s a slice of bread in it

Q: How do you get 30 peace protesters into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s the American Embassy

Q: How do you get 30 Turks into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s not an airbase, honest

Q: How do you get 30 Kuwaitis into a telephone box?
A: Tell them there’s an Iraqi coming

Q: How do you get 30 Iranians into a telephone box?
A: Tell them to do it in the sacred name of Allah

Q: How do you get 30 American Generals into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s a target of the Allied bombers

Q: How do you get 30 reporters into a telephone box?
A: Tell them it’s in Baghdad

Q: How do you get 30 Palestinians into a telephone box?
A: Tell them if they do, you’ll liberate the Occupied Territories

Q: How do you get 30 telephone company engineers into a telephone box?
A: You must be joking! You can’t even get ONE in a telephone box…

Q: How do you get 30 students into a telephone box?
A: Make the other 70 homeless

What a Bonehead!

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Several years ago we had an intern who was not very swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary.

“I’m almost out of typing paper,” he said. “What do I do?”

“Just use copy machine paper,” she said to him.

With that, the intern took his last remaining piece of blank typing paper, put it in the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies!

Animal Noises

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A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.

“Davy, what noise does a cow make?”

“It goes moo.”

“Alice, what noise does a cat make?”

“It goes meow.”

“Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?”

“It goes baaa.”

“Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?”

“Errr.., it goes.. click!”

Perks of being over 40…

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Perks of being over 40…

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
21. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

Growing penis

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When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted.

But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.

While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.

The patient’s wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

“How long will he be on crutches?” she asked.

“Crutches???” the doctor asked.

“Well, yes,” the woman said “You are going to lengthen his legs, aren’t you?”

Se encontraba un edificio en

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Se encontraba un edificio en llamas, y los bomberos hab�an rescatado a casi todos los trabajadores menos uno, que era fisioculturista y al que llamaban el toro, que se hab�a quedado en la azotea.

Toda la gente fren�tica y asustada le gritaba al toro que saltara a la lona de los bomberos, pero el hombre, era muy miedoso y cada vez que intentaba saltar se arrepent�a.

La gente le gritaba, para darle �nimo, “Salta toro, salta toro.”

Finalmente se anim� y salt�, “Vamos toro, vamos toro,” dec�an todos al un�sono.

Y cuando iba a llegar a rebotar con la lona, los bomberos la hicieron a un lado diciendo, “Oooooleeeeeeee torooo”.

Two roaches having a discussion

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Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.”I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere–it’s so sanitary that the whole place shines.””Please,” said the other roach frowning. “Not while I’m eating!”