Whats does a short sighted Gynacologist and a dog have in common?
They both have wet noses!!!
Author: admin
BITCH?
Are you a BITCH?
Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their
professions. The first guy says “I’m a YUPPIE, you know…
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist”
The second guy says “I’m a DINK…Dual Income, No Kids.”
The third guy says, “I’m a RUB…Rich, Urban, Biker.”
They turn to the woman and ask her, “What are you?” She replies:
“I’m a WIFE…Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”
A second woman answers their question before they even ask it,
“BITCH.” “What exactly is a BITCH?!” they ask in unison. “Babe
In Total Control of Herself.” So ladies, next time somebody
calls you “Bitch”, smile and say “Thank You!!”
Sheep Shagging
A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits a Cornish farmer.
“So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep?” “Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall.”
“That’s very interesting,” replies the researcher and he leaves the Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midlands Farmer.
“So, Midlands farmer, how do you shag your sheep?”
“Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall.”
“That’s very interesting,” replies the researcher. “That’s how they do it in Cornwall too.” And he leaves the Midlands farmer. Then he meets a farmer from Abergaveny.
“So, Abergaveny farmer, how do you shag your sheep?”
“Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over my shoulders.”
“Over your shoulders?” replies the researcher. “Don’t you put them over a wall like everyone else?”
“What?” says the farmer. “And miss out on all the kissing?!”
You so fat
you so fat every time you turn around its your birthday
Murphy's Laws
Murphy’s Technology Law #1: The first myth of management is that it exists. Murphy’s Technology Law #2: A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection. Murphy’s Technology Law #3: New systems generate new problems. Murphy’s Technology Law #4: To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. Murphy’s Technology Law #5: We don’t know one-millionth of one percent about anything. Murphy’s Technology Law #6: Any given program, when running, is obsolete. Murphy’s Technology Law #7: A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. Murphy’s Technology Law #8: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Murphy’s Technology Law #9: Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. Murphy’s Technology Law #10: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Oral sex, Redneck st
Q. How do Rednecks engage in oral sex?A. They go to opposite ends of the trailer, and shout “**** you” at each other.
How was copper wire invented?
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews were fighting over a penny!
Molasses
There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole.
They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell sausage!”
Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell pancakes!”
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn’t because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole then said, “The only thing I smell is molasses.”
Two Deaf People
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that
they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights
because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of
fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
“Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance,
at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast
one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast
one time.”
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great
idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one
time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times.”
New virus’s
DANGER: new viruses discovered!:
Turner Virus : When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.
Government Ecomomist Virus : Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order Virus : Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Capewell Commission Virus : Won’t allow you to open your files for 75 years.
Boss Virus : Makes your screen go completely white.
National Front Virus : Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.
Texas Virus : Makes sure it’s bigger than any other file.
Adam And Eve Virus : Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Edgars Virus : Constantly tries to prove it’s virility by attaching itself to younger or newer files.
Airline Virus : You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian Virus : Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
Tec Virus : Your PC stops what it’s doing every few minutes to ask for money.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus : Nobody can find it.
Townsend Virus : Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
Healthcare Virus : Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends a you a bill for �2,500.
Walsall Police Station Virus : It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in “self-defence”.
Edmonds Virus : When you save a file, it prints, “I am saved!” to the screen.
Michael Jackson Virus : Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This Virus won’t harm your PC, but it will wreck your car.
And finally…
Chamber Virus : poses as a harmless list of funny computer Virus names! Is quickly passed from one user to all other users known via e-mail, consequently consuming all known network resources.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Wave
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
Iban de paseo una ratita
Iban de paseo una ratita y un murci�lago por la alcantarilla. En eso, se encuentran con otra rata que se burla:
“�Jo, t�a, que novio m�s feo tienes!”
“S�, pero es piloto”, responde muy digna la otra.