Two Chinese tourists were visiting USA. After some rambling, they got rather hungry.The first said, “I’d love to eat some dog.”The second “Me, too! And look at that sign! It says, ‘HOT DOGS’!”The other Chinese flicks through his English-Chinese dictionary and is confirmed that they serve dog there. They both walk into the shop and order hot dogs.After receiving their meals, the first Chinese looks between the bun and goes all white. He stares at his friend and asks, “Which part of the dog’s anatomy did YOU get?”
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Never Beat Anyone
One girl’s parents beat her, so she had to go to court to decide
who she would stay with, the judge asked her, “Little girl,
would you like to stay with your mommy?” The little girl said,
“No. my mommy beats me.” So then the judge asked if the little
girl wanted to stay with her daddy. The little girl said, “No,
my daddy beats me.” After that the judge gave up and said,
“Little girl, if you don’t want to stay with your mommy or
daddy, who do you want to stay with?” The little girl simply
replied, “I want to stay with the Rams, they never beat anyone!”
En una oficina est�n tres
En una oficina est�n tres secretarias.
La primera dice:
“No se imaginan lo que le hice a mi jefe: le puse silicona en sus gavetas y ahora se va a volver loco tratando de abrirlas”.
La otra dice:
Yo encontr� el lugar donde mi jefe coloca sus condones; agarr� un l�piz y les hice varios agujeros.
De pronto la tercera grita:
“�Ah! �Ah!”… y se desmaya.
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Get Out of The Car
Your momma so fat when she steped on the scale it said please get out of the car.
THE SHOES
A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 tie shoes. The
salesman says, “But, sir, I can see from up here you’re at least a size 11.”
The guy says, “Just bring me a size 8 tie shoe.”
The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight,
and then he stands up, obviously in pain. The salesman just has to ask, “Sir,
why must you have these undersized shoes?”
He says to the salesman, “I lost my business and my house, I live with my
mother-in-law, my wife is screwing my best friend, my daughter is pregnant, and
my son is gay. The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these damn shoes.”
Slow!
You’re so slow you came third in a two man race.
Weed
a:what did 1 thistle say to another?
q:take me to your weeder.
Doctor, What is it??
One day, a young woman came into the doctor’s office,
complaining of some pain. The doctor asked her, “Where is this
pain?”
The woman replied, “Oh doctor, I hurt all over!”
The doctor looked at her and said, “Well, ‘all over’ is pretty
vague, could you be more specific?”
“It’s just all over,” the woman started. She touched her knee
with her index finger, “Ouch! That hurts!” Then she touched her
cheek with the same finger, “Ouch! That hurts too!” she cried.
And then she touched her ear lobe, “Ouch! You see? Even THAT
hurts!” She looked at the doctor, waiting for his diagnosis.
“Are you a natural blond?” inquired the doctor.
“Why, yes,” replied the blond, “why do you ask?”
“Ah ha!” returned the doctor, his look of confusion replaced
with confidence, “That explains it! You have a broken finger.”
A man walks into a bar and has a beer.Then he looks in his pocket then drinks another beer. Then looks in his pocket again and a again And again the bartender says why do you keep looking in your pocket.Then the man says because I have a picture of my wife in there and once she looks good Im going home
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.58. Play blackjack with yourself and scream loudly about your losses when you bust.
Pools win won’t change me
Reporter: ‘Tell me, Mr. Harris; will your �1,000,000 win on the football pools
make any difference to your way of life?’
Pools winner: ‘None at all. I shall carry on exactly as before.’
Reporter: ‘But what about all the begging letters?’
Pools winner: ‘Oh, I’ll keep sending them out as usual.’