Knock KnockWho’s there?Conyers!Conyers who?Conyers please open the door!
Author: admin
“I’m not going to do that!”
Tech Support: “Ok Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.” Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.” Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.” Customer: “I’m not going to do
that!”
Bathroom Rules
This is a place to spill your guts,
Not a place to bust your nuts.
Keep it nice, keep it neat,
Go someplace else to beat your meat.
Yo mama’s house is so small
Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.
Jay Leno Jokes!
Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show…
Pharmaceutical companies that make birth control pills are telling teenage girls that taking the pill can help clear up their skin. Do you think that’s true? I think there is a better chance of clearing up the boyfriend’s skin …
Fashion experts say that President Bush is helping bring back cowboy boots and cowboy hats. See, so it is not just for male strippers anymore …
LeAnn Rimes apologized to fans for the quality of her new album. Isn’t that unbelievable? If LeAnn Rimes has to apologize for her album, what the heck is Kathie Lee going to do, commit suicide?
In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Hugh Hefner admitted having 7 girlfriends, one for each night of the week … Someone should tell him those are called nurses. He said they all have sex together in the same bed. He said Viagra makes it possible … I think money makes it possible!
Surgeons in Britain amputated the hand of the world’s first hand transplant patient because the guy requested it, after his body rejected it. How depressing is that? It’s bad enough getting rejected by women, but guys, when your own hand turns you down?
According to a new government report, the military is running out of bullets. We are running out of ammunition! Oh good … let’s tell our enemies … that’s what I love about our country, you can’t tell your sexual preference in the Navy, but you can tell our enemies we’re running out of ammunition. “We don’t have any bullets, and I can’t tell you if I’m gay.”
Little Johnny at School.
The teacher says, “Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is “beautiful”. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use “beautiful” in a sentence?”
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Teacher says, “Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn.”
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.” Teacher says, “Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it’s your turn.”
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said…
‘Beautiful, just fuckin’ BEATUIFUL!’ “
Deadly Vices
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.” The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realising how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, “If you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead.”
Never Beat Anyone
One girl’s parents beat her, so she had to go to court to decide
who she would stay with, the judge asked her, “Little girl,
would you like to stay with your mommy?” The little girl said,
“No. my mommy beats me.” So then the judge asked if the little
girl wanted to stay with her daddy. The little girl said, “No,
my daddy beats me.” After that the judge gave up and said,
“Little girl, if you don’t want to stay with your mommy or
daddy, who do you want to stay with?” The little girl simply
replied, “I want to stay with the Rams, they never beat anyone!”
En una oficina est�n tres
En una oficina est�n tres secretarias.
La primera dice:
“No se imaginan lo que le hice a mi jefe: le puse silicona en sus gavetas y ahora se va a volver loco tratando de abrirlas”.
La otra dice:
Yo encontr� el lugar donde mi jefe coloca sus condones; agarr� un l�piz y les hice varios agujeros.
De pronto la tercera grita:
“�Ah! �Ah!”… y se desmaya.
Monster cookies
your so ugly you stuck your face in dough and made monster cookies
Remember the Alamo
Texas makes me think of the old slogan ‘Remember the Alamo.’ It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put his wife, of all people, on the battle line. She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from the front line. After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and … sued for Alamo knee.
Pools win won’t change me
Reporter: ‘Tell me, Mr. Harris; will your �1,000,000 win on the football pools
make any difference to your way of life?’
Pools winner: ‘None at all. I shall carry on exactly as before.’
Reporter: ‘But what about all the begging letters?’
Pools winner: ‘Oh, I’ll keep sending them out as usual.’