Bill Gates In Hell

Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him and says, “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.”

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of fine wine sitting on a table. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner.

Without hesitation, Bill says “I’ll take this option.”

“Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.

Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

“That was Bill Gates!” cried Lucifer. “Why did you give him the best place of all?!?”

“That’s what everyone thinks,” snickered Satan. “But the bottle has a hole in it!”

“Why the PC?”, he continued, “”It’s got the latest version of Windows and it’s missing three keys!”

“Which three?” said Lucifer.

“Control, Alt and Delete!”

Clinton’s Dinner Party

Hillary and Bill were invited to a dinner party. Bill steps onto the plane
and sees Hillary there naked. He says, “You aren’t going like that are
you?” She replies, “Why not?” “this is a dinner party dear, and it makes
you look like a whore.” “Oh alright..I’ll go and change.” So, Hillary goes
off to change. She comes back… and Bill is in the buff, except for a
potato on his cock. “You sent me to change then you are going to go like
that?” “Why..of course! If you were going to go as a whore..why can’t I go
as a Dictator?”

surgery

Four surgeons are having a coffee after performing surgery.”I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered.”says the first.”I think librarians are the easiest,” said the second surgeon.”When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered.”The third surgeon said, “I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are colour coded.”The fourth one said, “”I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangeable”

Circus owner in bar

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.

On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.

The circus owner was so impressed
that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.

After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, “Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on
the pot before a whole audience and he didn’t dance a single step!”

“So?” asked the ducks former owner, “did you remember to light the candle under the pot

Rotten Cherry

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn’t have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn’t believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.

The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said “Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don’t have crabs because I’m a virgin”.

The doctor checks her out and says “I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don’t have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies.”