Author: admin

Computer Error

Posted on by admin

Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having
trouble with her computer. So she called Prem, the computer guy,
over to her desk.

Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was
walking away, Judy called after him, “So, what was wrong?” And
he replied, “It was an “ID ten T” error.” A puzzled expression
ran riot over Judy’s face. “An “ID ten T” error? What’s that?..
in case I need to fix it again??” He gave her a grin… 😉 …
“Haven’t you ever heard of an “ID ten T” error before?” “No,”
replied Judy. Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll
figure it out.” She wrote….. I D 1 0 T

Bill Clinton’s haircut

Posted on by admin

Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?”Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200.Clinton gasped, “You took too long, it doesn’t look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!”Christophe replied, “That makes us even.”

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring…

Posted on by admin

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet
the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, “You going to die. But we sorry for
you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you
die. What is first wish?”
The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse.” The Indians get his horse. The
cowboy grabs the horse’s ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on
the back. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a
naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the
cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, “Typical white man-can only
think of one thing.”
The second day, the chief says, “What your wish today?”
The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his
horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the
horse’s ear, then slaps it on the back. Two hours later, the horse comes back
with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians shake their heads, figuring, “Typical white man-going to die
tomorrow and can only think of one thing.”
The last day comes, and the chief says, “This your last wish, white man. What
you want?”
The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his
horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells,
“Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!!!

The great beyond

Posted on by admin

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, ‘John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?’ A ghostly voice answered her, ‘Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you.’ Martha tearfully asked, ‘Oh John, what is it like where you are?’ ‘It’s beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time.’ ‘What do you do all day?’ asked Martha. ‘Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there’s nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m.’ Martha was somewhat taken aback. ‘Is that what heaven really is like?’ ‘Heaven? I’m not in heaven, Martha.’ ‘Well, then, where are you?’ ‘I’m a rabbit in Arizona.’

Tattooed penis

Posted on by admin

This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his bride’s name tattooed on his love muscle.

Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y.

Now they’re on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay.

One night, in the men’s room, this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall Jamaican at the urinal.

To his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his penis.

“Excuse me,” he says, “but I couldn’t help noticing your tattoo. Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?”

“No way, mon, I work for the tourist board. Mine reads, ‘Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.'”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

Marital Advice

Posted on by admin

A man was having marital problems. So he went to his shrink for advice.

The shrink says “when you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make made passionate love to her.”

In two weeks the man was back in the shrinks office.

The shrink asked “how did it go?”

The man said “she didn’t have anything to say, but her bridge club got a kick out of it!!”

How to Tell if your Child is Doing Drugs

Posted on by admin

Many parents today are concerned that their offspring might somehow be involved in the world of illegal pharmaceuticals, or “drugs”. This is a healthy concern. Knowing your kids are “high” is the first step toward helping them avoid problems with their health, their grades, the law, and getting those hard-to-clean vomit stains out of the Oriental rug.

KNOW THE WARNING SIGNS- select the option which best describes your child.

1. Your child’s idea of a fun sport to play is:

A) tossing a pigskin ball around

B) throwing an orange rubber ball into a netted hole

C) inserting a pointy needle into a vein and mixing foreign substances into the human bloodstream.

2. Your child’s idea of a responsible adult is:

A) Bill Clinton

B) Tom Hanks

C) Charles Manson.

3. Your child’s favourite hobbies include:

A) Model Rocketry

B) Baseball

C) Taking white, powdery substances from a big bag and breaking it down into many smaller bags.

4. Your child’s pet is:

A) a puppy dog

B) a 16′ python

C) a colony of imaginary bugs and spiders that crawl under their skin.

5. Your child’s breath smells like:

A) a fresh, minty mountain top

B) lunch

C) an opium den.

6. When your young ones dress up to go out, they look like:

A) Fred and Ginger

B) Regis and Kathy Lee

C) Sid and Nancy

7. Your child would identify Tijuana Gold as:

A) a precious metal

B) a Mexican theme park

C) a good deal, but not as potent as the stuff from Thailand.

8. When you ask your child how their day at school was at the dinner table they answer:

A) they scored a goal for their soccer team

B) they got the highest grade in class on a math test

C) they scored a dime bag and got high.

Total up the number of times you answered “C” to the questions above and consult the table below.

no “C’s” – Chances are your child is not on drugs. They probably aren’t that exciting either. Kick them out of the house and force them to live on the cold streets for a few months to let them really appreciate life in all it’s murkiness.

1-3 “C’s” – Your child might be on drugs, but you can’t be certain. Put a flashlight up to their face and flash it in their eyes. This doesn’t really tell you anything, but it scares the pants off your kids and is kind of fun.

3-6 “C’s” – You may as well face it, you’ve got a little druggie on your hands. Your child is a menace to society and must be dealt with accordingly. We suggest a good flaying to help them kick their nasty habit. Confiscate all their stash and send it to Ooze.

7-8 “C’s”- Your child has never used drugs. No sir. Just smile nicely at them and slink out of the house. Never return.

Chinese

Posted on by admin

Once there was a chinese man. he worked at a food mart stand in a village. he could only say one word. he can say me me me me me,forks and knives, forks and knives and plug it in plug it in. There was a murder and the police man came up to the guy and said do u know who killed tht man, The chinese man said,, me me me me. Then the police man said what did you kill him with? The guy said forks and knives, forks and knives. Then the police man said i am going to take you to the electric chair. and the guy said plug it in, plug it in.