Once there was a little boy named Jimmy. One day jimmy asked his Dad if he could take a shower with him. His Dad said OK but don`t look down. So they got in and Jimmy looked down and said “Daddy what`s that?” His Dad said that is my limo. That same day Jimmy asked his mother if he could take a shower with her. She said OK but only if you don`t look up and you don`t look down. So they got in and Jimmy looked up and asked “What are those?” and his mom said those are my head lights. Then Jimmy looked down and he asked his mom “What is that?” She said that is my garage. Jimmy said Oh! Later that evening Jimmy decided that he wanted to sleep with his parents in their bed. They said OK but don`t look under the covers. The next morning at the breakfast table Jimmy exclamed
“Mommy! Last night I squeesed your head lights to make them turn on but it didn`t work! Jimmy!” his mother yelled. “Why did you do that? Well,” Jimmy began, ” Daddy was trying to park his limo in your garage but my little sports car beat him in!”
Author: admin
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?A: It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off.
Marital Advice
A man was having marital problems. So he went to his shrink for advice.
The shrink says “when you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make made passionate love to her.”
In two weeks the man was back in the shrinks office.
The shrink asked “how did it go?”
The man said “she didn’t have anything to say, but her bridge club got a kick out of it!!”
To obscure the issues.
How many George Bush�s does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to
change the light bulb, one to promise he’ll do it better than anyone else, and
one to obscure the issues.
The 3 Chinese Tortures PAINFULL FOR STRONG STOMACHES ONLY
There was a man walking through the forest in China. He came up on a old house he rang the door bell and an old man answered. The man told him that he was out lost in the jungle for 3 days and couldnt find away out of the forest,and he asked if he could stay there for a while.The old man argreed that he could if he didn’t sleep with his grand daughter, because if he did there would be 3 of the worst chinese tortures inflicted upon him.So the old man took him upstairs to his room, but on the way the man caught a glimpse of the grand daughter naked and, with sure strive he made it to his room on the 2nd floor. About an hour later the grand daughter came in butt naked and they ended up sleeping together.When he woke the next mourning he found a rock on his chest under it was a card it read 1ST Chinese torture rock on chest. So the man picked up the rock and threw it out the window. Under the card he found another card which read 2nd Chinese torture left nutt tied to rock.So the man jumps out the window to chase after it when he noticed the old man and he was smiling. The old man held up a giagantic flash card and it read 3rd chinese torture right nutt tied to bed post.
Lawyer vs. Gigolo
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
What is god?
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy’s mind, sat him and said: “God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white.” To which the child responded, “Well, then is God Michael Jackson?”
Definition of an elephant: A
Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
How do you know when
How do you know when an Asian teenager has been in your house?
Your computers on, your homework is done, and your dog is missing.
Bill Clinton’s haircut
Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?”Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200.Clinton gasped, “You took too long, it doesn’t look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!”Christophe replied, “That makes us even.”
How to Tell if your Child is Doing Drugs
Many parents today are concerned that their offspring might somehow be involved in the world of illegal pharmaceuticals, or “drugs”. This is a healthy concern. Knowing your kids are “high” is the first step toward helping them avoid problems with their health, their grades, the law, and getting those hard-to-clean vomit stains out of the Oriental rug.
KNOW THE WARNING SIGNS- select the option which best describes your child.
1. Your child’s idea of a fun sport to play is:
A) tossing a pigskin ball around
B) throwing an orange rubber ball into a netted hole
C) inserting a pointy needle into a vein and mixing foreign substances into the human bloodstream.
2. Your child’s idea of a responsible adult is:
A) Bill Clinton
B) Tom Hanks
C) Charles Manson.
3. Your child’s favourite hobbies include:
A) Model Rocketry
B) Baseball
C) Taking white, powdery substances from a big bag and breaking it down into many smaller bags.
4. Your child’s pet is:
A) a puppy dog
B) a 16′ python
C) a colony of imaginary bugs and spiders that crawl under their skin.
5. Your child’s breath smells like:
A) a fresh, minty mountain top
B) lunch
C) an opium den.
6. When your young ones dress up to go out, they look like:
A) Fred and Ginger
B) Regis and Kathy Lee
C) Sid and Nancy
7. Your child would identify Tijuana Gold as:
A) a precious metal
B) a Mexican theme park
C) a good deal, but not as potent as the stuff from Thailand.
8. When you ask your child how their day at school was at the dinner table they answer:
A) they scored a goal for their soccer team
B) they got the highest grade in class on a math test
C) they scored a dime bag and got high.
Total up the number of times you answered “C” to the questions above and consult the table below.
no “C’s” – Chances are your child is not on drugs. They probably aren’t that exciting either. Kick them out of the house and force them to live on the cold streets for a few months to let them really appreciate life in all it’s murkiness.
1-3 “C’s” – Your child might be on drugs, but you can’t be certain. Put a flashlight up to their face and flash it in their eyes. This doesn’t really tell you anything, but it scares the pants off your kids and is kind of fun.
3-6 “C’s” – You may as well face it, you’ve got a little druggie on your hands. Your child is a menace to society and must be dealt with accordingly. We suggest a good flaying to help them kick their nasty habit. Confiscate all their stash and send it to Ooze.
7-8 “C’s”- Your child has never used drugs. No sir. Just smile nicely at them and slink out of the house. Never return.
Condomania
Q Why do queers use ribbed or textured condoms ?
A For traction in the mud.