3 guyes walk into a bar2 of them duck
Author: admin
Chocolate ice cream
A lady walked into a convenience store and asked the clerk for a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk told the lady “Miss, we are all out of chocolate ice cream.”
The lady says “Oh, okay. Give me a quart of chocolate ice cream.”
The clerk says “Miss, I just told you we are all out of chocolate ice cream.”
The lady says “Oh, okay. Give me a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.”
The clerk had finally had it. He said “Miss, can you spell the van in vanilla?”
The lady looked puzzled but answered “Yes, v a n.”
The clerk said, “Very good. Now can you spell the straw in strawberry?”
The lady still looked puzzled but answered “Yes, s t r a w.”
The clerk said, “Very good. Now can you spell the fuck in chocolate?”
The lady answered, “There ain’t no fuck in chocolate.”
The clerk replied, “That’s what I’v been trying to tell you!”
I killed a 6-pack just
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
Estaban en una reuni�n de
Estaban en una reuni�n de negocios un estadounidense, un japon�s y un colombiano. Al poco de comenzar suena un pitido: “piiiiip pip, pip, piiiiiip…”, y el estadounidense salta:
“Disculpadme, please. �Una teleconferencia digital desde Holanda! Debe ser my friend Johan Cruyff…” Y saca una antena de su bol�grafo y se pone a charlar.
Contin�a la reuni�n hasta que otro sonido la interrumpe: “tututuiiii, tututuiii, tututuiii…”, y el japon�s se saca una funda de una muela, le despliega una antena y dice: “Lo siento, es una comunicaci�n multiconferencial para cerrar un acuerdo con la J&B. Ser� s�lo un segundo.”
Al finalizar el Japon�s prosigue la reuni�n hasta que el colombiano se tira un tremendo peo: “prrrrrrrrrr!!!!, ptrrrrrom!, prrrrrrrrrrrpr, PRRRTROMM!!!!!!!”. Se quedan todos mir�ndole alucinados y suelta:
“Perdonadme, �Tiene alguien papel? Es que me est�n poniendo un FAX…”
Your gay
ya mumma so fat that when she went in the ocean the whale started singing “we are family”
The Mule
A burrow (mule) walks into a fancy resturant and sits on a
chair. A waiter comes over and sais : I am sorry, but we do not
allow animals in this resturant. The burrow looks at him and
sais: but sir, i am not a burrow, I am a costume for a movie. I
am a man inside. Any way, the waiter lets him order. After a
fine meal, the waiter sees he’s clearly an animal, yells at him
for lieng. The mule said hey you belived me, I may be a mule but
your the real jackass.
Double-Decker Bus
It was Spring Break for the collage kids and a group of blondes
and brunettes decide to rent a double-decker bus and go on a
trip. The brunettes are to be on the bottom and the blondes on
the top. The bus had been driving a little bit and the brunettes
were having a party. They were drinking, smoking, dancing, etc.
Well when they listened, they didn’t hear anything up on the top
deck.
One of the brunettes decide to go check it out. The brunette
walks up the stairs and sees all the blondes with there eyes
shut, hands over there mouth, and shaking. The brunette goes up
to one of the blondes and says, “What’s wrong? We are down
stairs having a party and having loads of fun.” The blonde
replies, “You guys have a driver, we don’t!”
The lecture
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” asked the officer.
“I’m going to a lecture.” the man said.
“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked.
“My wife.” said the man.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Knock Knock 16
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Argo!
Argo who?
Argo down the shops!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Aries!
Aries who?
Aries a reason why I talk this way!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Arizona!
Arizona who?
Arizona room for one of us in this town!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Armageddon!
Armageddon who?
Armageddon getting out of here!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Armenia!
Armenia who?
Armenia every word I say!
Something to live for
A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said, ‘Hey fellow, why are you doing this?’ The man replied, ‘Well, I have nothing to live for.’ The Alabama man replied, ‘Well, think of your wife and children!’ The jumper replied, ‘I have no wife or children.’ The Alabama man then said, ‘Well, then think of your mother and father!’ The man replied, ‘Mom and Dad passed on many years back.’ The Alabama man then said, ‘Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!’ The would-be jumper replied, ‘Who?’ With that the Alabama man said, ‘Jump you stupid yankee, jump!’
Knock KnockWho’s there?Norway!Norway who?Norway will
Knock KnockWho’s there?Norway!Norway who?Norway will I leave till you open this door!
Little Race Car
Once there was a little boy named Jimmy. One day jimmy asked his Dad if he could take a shower with him. His Dad said OK but don`t look down. So they got in and Jimmy looked down and said “Daddy what`s that?” His Dad said that is my limo. That same day Jimmy asked his mother if he could take a shower with her. She said OK but only if you don`t look up and you don`t look down. So they got in and Jimmy looked up and asked “What are those?” and his mom said those are my head lights. Then Jimmy looked down and he asked his mom “What is that?” She said that is my garage. Jimmy said Oh! Later that evening Jimmy decided that he wanted to sleep with his parents in their bed. They said OK but don`t look under the covers. The next morning at the breakfast table Jimmy exclamed
“Mommy! Last night I squeesed your head lights to make them turn on but it didn`t work! Jimmy!” his mother yelled. “Why did you do that? Well,” Jimmy began, ” Daddy was trying to park his limo in your garage but my little sports car beat him in!”