Q. What is a difference between a rooster and a blonde?
A. A rooster goes cockadoodledoo and a blonde goes anycockwilldoo
Author: admin
Knock KnockWho’s there?Norway!Norway who?Norway will
Knock KnockWho’s there?Norway!Norway who?Norway will I leave till you open this door!
Chocolate ice cream
A lady walked into a convenience store and asked the clerk for a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk told the lady “Miss, we are all out of chocolate ice cream.”
The lady says “Oh, okay. Give me a quart of chocolate ice cream.”
The clerk says “Miss, I just told you we are all out of chocolate ice cream.”
The lady says “Oh, okay. Give me a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.”
The clerk had finally had it. He said “Miss, can you spell the van in vanilla?”
The lady looked puzzled but answered “Yes, v a n.”
The clerk said, “Very good. Now can you spell the straw in strawberry?”
The lady still looked puzzled but answered “Yes, s t r a w.”
The clerk said, “Very good. Now can you spell the fuck in chocolate?”
The lady answered, “There ain’t no fuck in chocolate.”
The clerk replied, “That’s what I’v been trying to tell you!”
Your gay
ya mumma so fat that when she went in the ocean the whale started singing “we are family”
The Mule
A burrow (mule) walks into a fancy resturant and sits on a
chair. A waiter comes over and sais : I am sorry, but we do not
allow animals in this resturant. The burrow looks at him and
sais: but sir, i am not a burrow, I am a costume for a movie. I
am a man inside. Any way, the waiter lets him order. After a
fine meal, the waiter sees he’s clearly an animal, yells at him
for lieng. The mule said hey you belived me, I may be a mule but
your the real jackass.
The 2000 Darwin
The 2000 Darwin awards!(28 January 1999, London) A flock of sheep charged a well-meaning British farmer’s wife and pushed her over a cliff to her death. Betty Stobbs, 67, was charged by dozens of sheep as she brought them a bale of hay on the back of a power bike. The sheep rushed forward and rammed the vehicle, knocking Betty and her bike over the edge of a vacant 100′ quarry near Durham, in northeastern England. “I saw the sheep surround the bike. The next thing she was tumbling down the incline,” neighbor Alan Renfry told reporters.
Diner Story
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell’s Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, ‘Humph, not much of a man, was he?’ The waitress replied, ‘Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.’
Crack up
What do you call a bee that makes milk?
A Boobee
Up on the…
Up on the rooftop slick as glass
Watch old Santa bust his ass
Down through the chimney with a stick
And old St. Nick broke his dick
Ho ho ho thats what he says hoe hoe hoe thats what he is
up on the roof top slick as glass see old santa bust his ass
Boy, get your Mother
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a rather heavy, not too attractive, older lady walked up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a beautiful, young woman stepped out. The father, said quietly to his son, “Go get your Mother.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Knock Knock 16
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Argo!
Argo who?
Argo down the shops!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Aries!
Aries who?
Aries a reason why I talk this way!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Arizona!
Arizona who?
Arizona room for one of us in this town!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Armageddon!
Armageddon who?
Armageddon getting out of here!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Armenia!
Armenia who?
Armenia every word I say!
There was life before the computer
An application was for employmentA program was a TV showA cursor used profanityA keyboard was a piano!Memory was something that you lost with ageA CD was a bank account!And if you had a broken disk,It would hurt when you found out!Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a fileAnd if you unzipped anything in public You’d be in jail for awhile!Log on was adding wood to a fireHard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse livedAnd a backup happened to your commode! Cut–you did with a pocket knifePaste you did with glueA web was a spider’s homeAnd a virus was the flu!I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my headI hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead!