What is the difference between a dead dog in the middel of the road and a dead lawyer?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog
Author: admin
Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
Q. Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
A. “Is it in?”
Animal Game
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand.
The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?”
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
“Very good Sally,” the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands.
“See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?”
Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra.
“Very good Billy,” the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand.
“See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?”
Still no one guesses.
“Let me give you another hint, it’s something your mother calls your father.”
Johnny shouts out “I know what it is, it’s a horny bastard.”
Advanced Vocabulary
This guy and this girl are rampantly having sex. During a lull in the passion, the guy asks the girl to turn over.
“Why?” asks the girl.
“Because I want to try something different,” says the guy.
“That’s perverted!” says the girl.
“What did you say?” asks the guy.
“I said that’s perverted.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure I heard properly – what did you say?”
“I said that’s perverted.”
“Shit,” says the guy, “that’s a big word for a five year-old.”
Yo mama is so ugly
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
if Monica Lewinsky opened a
if Monica Lewinsky opened a barber shop, would it be
called the “Cut & Blow?”
Last Buffalo
An Indian brave returns from a scouting trip and seeks out the Chief.
“Chief, I have bad news, worse news and good news.”
The Chief asks for the bad news first.
Scout says, “No more buffalo on reservation, we kill last one today.”
Chief asks for the worse news.
Brave says, “Our land is being overrun by white men. They are coming by the
thousands.”
Finally the chief asks for the good news.
The brave says, “Chief, the white men taste just like buffalo.”
I got a bad case
Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house phone.
“Hi,” said the voice, “this is Rollie. Come on over, we’re having a real
wildass party.”
“S***, Ah’d shore love to,” said Tad, “but Ah got me a bad case of gonorrhea.”
“Bring it along!” answered Rollie. “The way thangs is goin’, mah buddies’ll
drink anythin’!”
Hearing problems
A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and roadworthy again. But he had run out of people to borrow from.
So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and gets his father. “I need to borrow two hundred dollars,” he says.
At the other end, his father says, “Sorry, I can’t hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line.”
The boy shouts, “Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!”
“Sorry, I still can’t hear you clearly,” says his father.
The operator cuts in, “Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly clearly.”
The father says, “Good. YOU send him the money!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Yisman and Curtis
Parachute
Q: Did you hear about the new automatic parachutes, invented by a blond? A: They open on impact.
Whats the Pubs Name
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Hi stranger, my name is Mike. I’ll give you a free beer if you can guess the name of this bar in three tries.”The man says, “Thanks…Mike’s Place?””Nope.””Mike’s Tavern?””No,””Mike’s Pub?””No, but here’s a free beer anyway. Nobody ever get’s it. The joint’s name is Sally’s Leggs!”That’s a good one.” the man says and proceeds to get royally ripped.The next morning the man is still drunk and sitting on a curb, when a cop pulls up and ask’s him what he is doing there. He responds, “I’m just waiting for Sally’s Leggs to open, so I can wet my whistle!”
Lie to me
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”