- Experience (noun)
- What you get when you don’t read the manual
first.
Author: admin
Virus Honor System
This virus works on the honor system:Most viruses target PC’s. Therefore, this honor system virus has been created to target most other systems.So, if you are running a Macintosh, OS/2, Unix or Linux computer, please randomly delete or corrupt several files from your hard disk now. Then forward this message to everyone you know.
It isn’t pollution
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our
air and water that are doing it.”
– Governor George W. Bush
Why ET has big eyes
Question: Why are E.T.’s eyes so big?
Answer: Because he saw the phone bill!
Go Softly
Here lies my wife in earthy mould;
when she lived did naught but scold.
Good friends go softly in your walking;
lest she should wake and rise up talking.
Doing shots
An irate wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. ”What’ll you have?” he asked. ”Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. ”Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. ”I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!” ”Well, there you go,” cried the husband. ”And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”
A las dos de la
A las dos de la madrugada suena un tel�fono y se oye la voz de un borracho:
“�Es usted el (hip) dueee�o de la tienda (hip) de licoresssss del barrio?”
“Pues s�, lo soy �y qu�?”
“Naaada, (hip) quer�a preguntar a qu� hora abre”.
“A las ocho”, y cuelga enojado.
A las cuatro de la madrugada, vuelve a sonar el tel�fono y se oye una voz todav�a m�s borracha:
“�Hola, jefeee (hip)! �A que hooora dec�a que abr�a?”
“�A las ocho hombre, y d�jeme dormir!”
A las seis, el tel�fono suena otra vez. El borracho casi no puede ya hablar:
“�Holaaa jefeeecccito! Con quuue abrre a las ocho �eh?”
“Le dije que no me llamara m�s. Abro a las ocho y tenga un poco de paciencia para entrar”.
“Esss que yo no quiierro entrarrrr. �Lo que quierooo es salirrrrr…!”
Englash man/irishman/scotsman/paky
englash man scotish man and irish man and a paky up the twin towers the englash man
picks up a computer and says i have got to
many of these in my country.The scottish
man picks up a staddium and says I have got
to many of these in my country.Then the paky picks up a corner shop and says I have got to many of these in my country and thrws it out the window .Then the irish man picks up the paky and throws him out the window and says I have got to many of these in my country.
Ya Mamma by MizMischief
Yo mamma so fat that she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Clinton Fan
There’s a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, little Johnny.
The teacher asks little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, “I’m not a Bush fan.”
The teacher says, “Why aren’t you a Bush fan?” Johnny says, “Because I’m a Clinton fan.”
The teacher asks why he’s a Clinton fan. The boy says, “Well, my mom’s a Clinton fan and my dad’s a Clinton fan, so I’m a Clinton fan!”
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, “What if you’re mom was a moron and you’re dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
Johnny says, “That would make me a Bush fan!”
Men Can’t Win
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race,
you are a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her..
If you don’t work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your
rear and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, it’s favoritism.
If she gets job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.
If you cry, you are a wimp.
If you don’t, you are an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination.
If she asks you, it’s a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a pervert.
If you don’t, you are gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist.
If you don’t, you are unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain.
If you don’t, you are a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you are after something.
If you don’t, you are not thoughtful.
If you are proud of your achievements, you are full of yourself.
If you don’t, you are not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she is tired.
If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you are over-sexed.
If you don’t, there must be someone else.
Spikes?
Q:What has a hundred an therty two spikes and holds a monster?
A:My ziper