The Tao is like a glob pattern:
Used but never used up.
It is like the extern void:
Filled with infinite possibilities.
It is masked but always present.
I don’t know who built to it.
It came before the first kernel.
Author: admin
Two students miss a final exam
Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms–so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with some friends.They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virgina for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn’t have a spare. They couldn’t fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus.Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. “Cool,” they thought, “this is going to be an easy final”. They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
old people football
an old man and his wife has gone to bed. after lying there for
a few minutes the old man farts and goes ” 7 points “
his wife rolls over and goes ” what in the world does that mean “
the old man said ” its fart football “
a few minutes later the wife lets one go and goes ” touchdown
were tied “
a few minutes later the old man farts again and goes ” now im up
14 7 ! ”
but then the wife lets one rip and there tied again 14 14
then the wife lets out a squeaker and goes ” feild goal ” im up
17 14
knowing the man cant be beaten by his wife he gives it all he
has and instead of farting he poops in his pants
the wife goes ” what the hell was that? ”
the man goes ” uh half-time ” switch sides!
Yo mama’s So Fat… born
Yo’ mama so fat, when she was born her mom said, ”Great, triplets.”
Irish Celtic
How do you get a one armed Irish Celtic fan down from a tree?
… Wave at him…
Correction
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced.
Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now, when someone say’s you don’t know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis and Tantilazing
How do blondes pierce their ears?
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
A confused little nine year old boy asks his…
A confused little nine year old boy asks his mother one day,”Mom, is God a
man or a woman?”
“Well,” says the boy’s mother, “God is unique. He’s both a man and a woman.”
This further confuses the little boy, so he says, “Mom, is God black or white?”
The mother begins to get a little embarassed, but she answers, “God is both
black and white, honey.”
The even more confused little boy then asks, “Mom, is God gay or straight?”
The boy’s mother mow hesitates, but she answers, “Well, God is both gay and
straight, son.”
The boy now smiles with understanding. “Mom! Now I know! Is God Michael
Jackson?”
Hoop Earrings
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
Its a catty cat world so go out for tea.
guess what ur gay and im not!!!!!! hehehehehehehe this is the funniest thing ive heard all day!!!
Love contract
I, THE UNDERSIGNED, AGREE THAT…
1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one. And it’ll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like “So THIS is screwing!” and howling like a cat that’s being repeatedly jabbed with a needle.
2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football teams lose, I agree that – by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman – it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.
3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.
4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
5. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as “making love”), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.
6. I will never, ever give your penis a “cute” nickname.
7. In bed, I will be happy as can be to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.
8. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies. Then I’ll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay.
9. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have “ruined me for other men.”
10. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computers, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in charge of the lot. Except for the oven, iron and the washing machine, of course.
Signed:_____________________________
Date:________________
Top Ten Signs You’re Becoming a Teenager
Top Ten Signs You’re Becoming a Teenager
10) Like is, like, the most commonly used word in your vocabulary.
9) “Metal Mouth” and “Tinsel Teeth” have replaced your real name.
8) You fight with your hair every morning . . . and you lose!
7) Your parents have never heard of your favorite rock group.
6) Even your zits have zits!
5) It’s not safe to say the word “mall” around you.
4) Let’s just say . . . sometimes you don’t smell too good.
3) You’ve gone from “A”. . . to “B” . . . to “C” . . . cup!
2) If you have to speak in front of your class, you care more about what you’re wearing than what you’re going to say.
1) If someone at your house is PMSing, it’s not always your mom!