Yours Fun Portal !
One day two Irishmen were walking past a police station in Dublin,
and as they walked past the notice board they came across a poste:
“Pakistani Wanted For Rape”
So the first Irishman turned to the other and said “These
damned foreigners,they get all the good jobs!”
10 Okay, he’s a hound — But he’s OUR hound!9 Vote for Our Guy or These Dole Viagra Pictures Hit the Internet8 If the Dome is A-Rockin’, Don’t Come A-Knockin’!7 When the Going Gets Tough, We Bomb Iraq.6 So Spank Us!5 It’s Not Our Fault All the Good Ones Get Shot4 Our Pants May Fall, But Your 401(K) Value Won’t!3 Felonies Dismissed While You Wait2 You’re so pretty, come on over here and give us a vote, Darlin’!!1 Laid in America
(A way to explain the Clinton situation to your kids)
The Bubba of Scuz
And the Bimbo of Loo,
were sharing a pizza
with nothing to do.
They sat and they talked,
Although little was said.
So they dabbled in
bumblefunumpus instead.
(Which cannot be explained
and is never polite)
Whether done in the daylight
or darkness of night.
But the Bubba of Scuz
was a Loyalty Scout.
Which meant that with Bimbos,
funumping was out.
The Loyalty Scouts
(an unusual breed)
thought that telling the truth
was the best of good deeds.
If ever you slipped
into trouble so deep
that you thought that a lie
was the best way to keep
your brains in your head
and your seat in your pants,
a Loyalty Scout would say,
“Don’t take the chance!”
A Splonger named Ken
had been watching the glade,
where the Bubba and Bimbo
funumped in the shade.
“At last,” said the Splong
(a responsible guy)
“I now have what I need
to entice him to lie.”
The Bubba of Scuz
was then pressured to tell
of the things he had done
in the glade by the dell.
“Did you yert with palookas?
Or miff some goopats?
I heard that you fleegered
a blooper with gnats!”
“I have done no such thing,”
said the Bubba of Scuz.
“Those things aren’t the things
that a Scuz Bubba does.”
“But what about Bimbos?”
Inquired the Splong.
“Funumping with Bimbos
is equally wrong!”
“I never funumped
with the Bimbo of Loo.
If you say that I did,
what you say isn’t true.”
Except that it was,
bringing Bubba up short,
when the Splonger named Ken
made his final report.
So take this advice
when you’re feeling ashamed.
Stick to the truth
or you’ll wind up defamed.
The Loyalty Scouts
will muster you out.
Your good friends will wonder
what you are about.
And history’s scribes,
remembering you
will skip all the good
you endeavored to do.
Like the Bubba of Scuz
who, ’til history’s end,
will be linked to his Bimbo
and the Splonger named Ken.
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test.
He gives each woman a present of $5000 and waits to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much, Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000, gives him back the original $5000 and invests the rest in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously the man is impressed.
The man had a difficult choice and thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money and then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse.
An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he’s back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, “I think I know where I’m going wrong” he tells the dealer,
“I think I’m planting them too deep.”
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes…
There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.
A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks,
By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
Drive carefully,
It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Don’t worry about the world ending today…
It’s already tomorrow in Australia.
Character is what you are.
Reputation is what people think you are.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.
A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two
things: 1. Women. 2. Fractions.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Q. Why did the lumber truck stop?
A. To let the lumber jack off.
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,”Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH NO !Silence.Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said,”Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine!”
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his
mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a
man!”
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into
her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his
bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, “Ohh, I need a bike! I need a
bike!”
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Fooled ya!
Fooled ya who!
I just fooled ya!
Vovochka got angry at his female teacher and told her to jerk off. She pissed
off at him and went to the director of the school. He calls Vovochka to his
office:
– Did you tell Maria Ivanovna to jerk off?
– Kiss my !
– What’s your father’s office phone number?
Vovochka gives him the number and the director dials it.
– The President’s administration. Speak.
He hangs up and calls the teacher:
– You go wanking and I’ll have to do some butt-licking…