Yours Fun Portal !
Two tour groups visited England.
They happened to rent a double-decker bus, with one group downstairs and the other upstairs.
The downstairs group was singing and dancing and the group upstairs just sat there.
Finally, one of the downstairs people went upstairs and asked why they weren’t having as much fun.
“It’s easy for you to relax and have fun,” said one of the upstairs guys, “you have a driver.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
Old Ethel loved to race her wheelchair around the retirement
home. Oneday while she was racing her wheelchair around the
halls like normal, she ran into an old man standing in the
middle of the narrow hall. “Stop,” the old man said, “your
speeding. I’ll need to see your licence.” So Ethel dug through
her robe pockets, pulled out a KIT-KAT wraper and handed it to
the old man. He looked at it for a moment handed it back and
said,”Here, your free to go,but I don’t wanna see you speeding
again,…ok.” with that Ethel speed off around the next corner
where another old man awaited her. “Stop! Your speeding.” He
says,”I need to see your licence and registration.” Again Ethel
dug through her robe pockets this time she pulled out the
KIT-KAT wraper and a pillow tag. She handed these to the old
man who glanced at them and handed them back. “Here, your free
to go, but, I don’t wanna see you speeding again.” With that
Ethel speed off around the next corner where a third old man
awaited her only this one was naked holding his penis in his
hand. “OH NO! Not another breathalizer!” Moaned poor Old
Ethel.
a boy was meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time for dinner.
after dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes,
leaving him with the father and the dog duke, who was sitting underneath the
boy’s chair. unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. he
stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
“duke!” the dad yelled.
“this is great!” the boy thought. “he thinks the dog is farting!” so he let
out another one.
“duke!” the father barked. the boy thought he was home free so he let
everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.
“duke! get out of there before the boy s**** on you!”
Little Joey was sitting in the back of class rubbing his
crotch, and the teacher asked, �Joey what are you doing?�
Joey replied, �Teacher, my mommy had me circumsized
yesterday and it still hurts.� So the teacher sent Joey to
the principal’s office to call his mother and ask what he
should do.
When Joey came back from the office, the teacher noticed
that he had his penis hanging out. Shocked, the teacher
asked, �Joey, what are you doing!?� Joey answered, �Mommy
told me to stick it out till lunch and then she would be
here to pick me up.�
Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the
confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a man�s
private parts.
The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?”
The nun replies, “My right hand.”
The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 Hail Mary�s
and all will be forgiven.
The second nun goes into the confessional and says, “Bless me father for I
have sinned I touched a mans private parts.”
The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?”
The nun replies, “My left hand.” The priest tells her to dip her left hand in
the holy water say 10 Hail Mary�s and all will be forgiven.
Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun
taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, “Would you mind if I went first?”
The third nun says, “Sure I don’t care, but would mind telling me why?”
The fourth nun replies, “Well, I would like to drink the water before you have
to sit in it!”
YOUR MOMMA`S SO POOR I ASKS HER IF I COULD GO TO THE TOILET, SHE SAID RIGHT THIS WAY AND I WALKED IN A ROOM AND SAW A COCKROACH SITTING ON A PEPSI CAN SAYING WAIT YOUR TURN!
Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer.
10. The monitor is up on cinder blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco and whiskey stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is “Huntin”.
4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
1. The mouse is referred to as a “critter”.
How does a blonde know if she had a good night?
She throws her panties to the air. If they stick to the ceiling it was good.
why did the man cross the road?
he heard the chicken was a slut!
“Did you hear what happened?” Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work.”Hear what” I asked, my curiosity peaked.”The regional vice president died this morning!””What?!” I asked, totally stunned.”What happened?””He was working through lunch when he had a heart attack” Jim began explaining.”Everyone was gone except his secretary. You know the one.””Boy do I. She’s that young blonde babe.””Yeah that’s the one. Turns out she isn’t too smart, though.””What do you mean?” I asked.”He kept yelling at her to ‘call 9 1 1’. She just stood there waiting for him to give her the rest of the phone number.”
Q: How does Al Gore’s household keep Christmas politically correct?A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.