There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, “It’s blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”
Author: admin
Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.’My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf’, says Little Red Riding Hood.The wolf jumps up and runs away!!! Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump.’My what big ears you have Mr, Wolf’, says Little Red Riding Hood.Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.About 2 miles down the track Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind some brush.’My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf’, taunts Little Red Riding Hood.With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, ‘Will you stop it, I’m trying to take a crap!’
One with the chicken
why did the man cross the road?
he heard the chicken was a slut!
The long and short of it
One morning a man tells his coworker her hair smells nice. The
woman gets enraged, storms into her supervisors office and
declares she’s filing a sexual harrassment suit. “come on.” says
the supervisor. “What’s wrong with a guy saying your hair smells
nice?”
“He’s a FUCKEN MIDGET.”
Human Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry!” she said, “Stand in the corner.”
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.
“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly.
“The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
“Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”
PEPSI CAN
YOUR MOMMA`S SO POOR I ASKS HER IF I COULD GO TO THE TOILET, SHE SAID RIGHT THIS WAY AND I WALKED IN A ROOM AND SAW A COCKROACH SITTING ON A PEPSI CAN SAYING WAIT YOUR TURN!
Clinton got a shot of testosterone
Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone?
A: He turned into Hillary!
Nuns Confessional
Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the
confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a man�s
private parts.
The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?”
The nun replies, “My right hand.”
The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 Hail Mary�s
and all will be forgiven.
The second nun goes into the confessional and says, “Bless me father for I
have sinned I touched a mans private parts.”
The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?”
The nun replies, “My left hand.” The priest tells her to dip her left hand in
the holy water say 10 Hail Mary�s and all will be forgiven.
Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun
taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, “Would you mind if I went first?”
The third nun says, “Sure I don’t care, but would mind telling me why?”
The fourth nun replies, “Well, I would like to drink the water before you have
to sit in it!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Disk!Disk who?Disk is
Knock KnockWho’s there?Disk!Disk who?Disk is recorded message, please leave your message after the beep!
Soviet
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG… Um, I mean… Um, no “diplomats” are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.
THOSE NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY PETS!
A man walks into a bar and says “Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack”.
The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says “Another”.
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says “Another”.
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, “Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?”
The man says, “Ten years, ten years I’ve been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her.”
The bartender says “Geez, what did you say.”
The man says ” I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!”
The Cesium song 07
Yesterday,I had Cesium with which to play.Now all my fingers have been blown away.And silence reigns since yesterday.Suddenly,I’m just half the man I used to be.I have no eyes with which to see.My legs have parted company.Why she had to blow,I don’t know,I can only say.Something went awful wrong,In the waterbed where we lay.Yesterday,Her sky blue path seemed such an easy way.Now I know there is a price to pay.Oh, I believed just yesterday.—Songs of Cesium #117