WHAT DO DALE EARNHARDT AND PINK FLOYD HAVE IN COMMON
THEIR BIGGEST HIT WAS “THE WALL”
Author: admin
Loves fishing
This newlywed couple decides to go to a lake resort for their honeymoon. During check in, they explain to the desk clerk that they are on their honeymoon and would like a suite. After paying the couple heads up to their room. Only 10 minutes go by and the husband is down at the desk asking to rent a fishing pole. The clerk was shocked to see the man wanting to go fishing on his honeymoon. The clerk told the man: “I would be up there with your wife, it’s your honeymoon.” The man replied: “My wife has herpes, besides I really love to fish.” The clerk tells the man: “There’s other thing you can do on your honeymmon you know” The man replied: “I know, but she also has hemmoroids and gum disease, besides I really love to fish. The clerk then asks: “If your wife has so many things wrong with her why did you marry her?” The man replied: “She also has worms, and like I said “I really love to fish.”
For All The Fat People
one day an ant was seating on the toilet seat and a 37 year old lady thats 650lbs and sat on the toilet and the ant said a b c d e f g get your fat ass off of me!
Quarterback…
- Quarterback
- A refund.
Dark in here
A mother is having sex with her lover.
Her son comes in so she locks him in the closet. After hearing her husband come home she locks the lover also in the closet.
“Dark in here” the boy says.
“Yeah” the man replies.
“I have a baseball here. Do you want it? It costs only $250 bucks.”
The man thought what the hell and paid up.
Next night the boy is again locked in the closet with the lover.
“Dark in here” the boy says.
“Yeah” the man replies.
“Do you want a baseball glove?” The boy says.
The man bought it for $750 bucks.
The next day the father says ” Son, lets go to play baseball”
The boy says “I sold my baseball and glove for $1000 bucks”
The father says “You should not overcharge your friends like that. I’m going to take you to the Confessional” And so the boy goes.
He goes into the Confessional.
“Dark in here” he comments.
“Oh, for heavens sake don’t start that again!” The priest says.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Bimbogate Quotes
The reason it’s always so difficult for this president to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it’s usually three different stories. –Sam DonaldsonIf the president could convince every woman in America that the Bible says oral sex is not adultery, he’d even have my vote. –Newt GingrichWhat’s wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same thing. –Kenneth StarrThe special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire Grand Jury. –Monica LewinskyShouldn’t the president be held to the same standards as a TV sportscaster? –Marv AlbertThe president should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find the real person who had oral sex with the intern. –OJ SimpsonIf I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who swore she didn’t have sex with the president, I’d never get any of my own work done. –Vernon JordanThe president should take up skiing. –Al GoreIf you’re looking for me this week, I’ll be in the bunker. –Saddam HusseinPracticing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making sure the door is locked. –George StephanopoulosIn last week’s Cabinet meeting, the president asked us to go out and win one for the zipper. –Madeliene ‘Aunt Bea’ Albright
Debido a que el marido
Debido a que el marido estaba en la c�rcel, una se�ora atravesaba penurias; como no la dejaban ver a su esposo le mand� una carta con el guardia. El mensaje ten�a escrito lo siguiente:
“P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P.”
El esposo le responde:
“C. C. C. C. C. C.”
El vigilante, intrigado, le pregunta a la mujer por el significado de las cartas. Ella le informa que escribi�:
“Paso Pobrezas Pinches Penurias Pido Permiso Para Putear”.
Y �l respondi�:
“Cuida Culito Cobra Carito Cari�os Charlie”.
Superbowl
A guy wins tickets to the Super Bowl in a charity raffle.Best seats in the house… right on the 50 yard line and close to the field. As the game starts, he notices the seat next to him is empty.He comments to the man across the gap: ‘this is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!’The man replies, ‘Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been together at since we got married in 1967.’ ‘Well, that’s really sad, but still, you couldn’t find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?’ ‘No,’ the man replies, ‘They’re all at the funeral.’
You’ve ever hit a deer
You’ve ever hit a deer with your car…deliberately.You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
Palestinian Sex Doll
I went to a Sex shop the other day and bought a Palestinian Sex doll.
When I got it home, it blew itself up.
Bill Gates and the Lightbulb
Q: How many Bill Gates does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One – he puts it in the socket and lets the world revolve around him.
Chainsaw
This (Blonde) fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some
trees in his backyard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about
various chainsaws.
The dealer tells him, “Look, I have a lot of models, but why
don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get
the top-of- the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred
cords of wood for you in one day.”
So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the
trees.After cutting for several hours and only cutting two
cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong
with the chainsaw. “How can I cut for hours and only cut two
cords?” the man asks himself. “I will begin first thing in the
morning and cut all day,” the man tells himself.
So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and
cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only
manages to cut five cords.
The man is convinced this is a bad saw. “The dealer told me it
would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will
take this saw back to the dealer,” the man says to himself.
The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and
explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man’s claim,
removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, “Hmm, it
looks fine.”
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the man
responds, “What’s that noise?