How ironic… this is the second time in history a “Deep Throat” has been
at the center of a presidential controversy.
Author: admin
Cats are smarter than dogs.
Cats are smarter than dogs. You cannot get eight cats to pull a sled
through snow.
Types of computer viruses
Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
Presidential Food
One morning Al Gore and George Bush were having brunch at a restaurant.
The attractive waitress asked Gore what he wanted and he replied, “I’ll have a bowl of oatmeal and some grapefruit.”
“And what can I get for you sir?” she asks George. He replies, “How about a quickie?” “Why Governor!” the waitress says, “how rude – and you’re not even president yet!”
As the waitress storms away, Gore leans over to Bush and whispers, “It’s pronounced ‘quiche’.
Where is the toilet
The headwaiter of a five-star, elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in muddy hipwader boots, torn jeans, a dirty leather jacket, with long, stringy dirty hair, and a beard full of old crumbs of food marched right towards him.
The man said, “Yo, bucko, where’s your toliet? I gotta go!”
The headwaiter calmly replied, “Go down the hall and turn left. When you see the sign marked ‘Gentlemen’, pay absolutely no attention to it and go right inside.”
Dad won’t say
Ten things that dads probably don’t say too often!
10. ‘Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost. Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.’
9. ‘You know Pumpkin, now that you’re 13, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?’
8. ‘I notice that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude… I like that.’
7. ‘Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car… go crazy.’
6. ‘What do you mean you wanna play rugby? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?’
5. ‘Your mother and I are going away for the weekend… you might want to consider throwing a party.’
4. ‘Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those watchamacallits – you know – that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.’
3. ‘No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring, now quit your belly-aching and let’s go to the mall.’
2. ‘Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.’
1. ‘Father’s Day? Don’t worry about that – it’s no big deal.’
Money talks.
A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”
The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”
The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff, church, church, church.”
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What does Hillary Clinton have in common with Gerald Ford?A: They both became president without being elected.
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Always Rings Twice
A blonde woman goes to the doctor and tells that him that both
her ears have been burnt. “Sit down and tell me how it
happened,” said the doctor.
“Well,I was just ironing my clothes, when I received a call and
instead of picking the phone I accidentally picked up the iron
and burnt my ear.”
“Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to the other?”
“The jerk called back!”
Driving in Heaven
3 guys die in a car accident, as they are going into heaven, a saint stops them and says to the first man,”were you a faithful husband?”he replies “yes, I never strayed from my wife, I barely even looked at other women”the saint replies, “very good, you can drive this brand new sports car!” he then turns to the next guy and says,”were you a faithful husband?”the second man replies “well, to be honest, I DID cheat once, but I came clean and stayed on the right path and my wife forgave me and we lived happily afterwards.”the saint then says, “very good, you can drive this 1993 sports car” he then turns to the third and asks,”were you a faithful husband?”the third man says, “no, I slept around, never came clean, when I was caught, I wouldn’t fess up and my wife hated me”the saint replies “well, that’s not very good, however, you were a good man besides that, you can drive around this 1983 compact” A few days later, the second and third man were cruising around in the second mans older sports car and they saw their friends nice new sports car parked outside a bar so they pull in. There they see their friend with his face in his hands crying, surrounded in beer bottles, so they walk up to him.”hey, how ya doin’? why are you crying?””I saw my wife today” he replies”hey, that’s great! did you say hello?” the other two men inquired.the first man replies, “no, that’s the problem, I couldn’t follow her onto the bicycle path with my car” — Goodguy
A Likely Story
A man bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down and the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
“There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 . . . then the reality of the situation hit him. “What the heck am I doing?” he thought, and
pulled over.
The officer came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”
The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”
“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.