WHY DID THE MONKEY FALL OUT OF THE TREE?
IT DIED.
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WHY DID THE HOUSE COLLAPSE?
YOUR MOM SAT ON IT.
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DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?
SO DO I…
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WHAT TO HEAR A DIRTY JOKE?
THE CLOWN FELL IN THE MUD.
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Author: admin
Presidential election
Al Gore’s wife held a press conference today at the White House where she announced that until the election is over she will shave off all her pubic hair and sit on stage with husband Al, and wearing no panties.
Astounded reporters asked what the message was, to which she replied “Read my lips. No more Bush”
What do you throw to
What do you throw to a drowning [ethnic]?
His wife and kids.
How to get across the river
A blonde once got lost near a river. She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side.She tried walking in the shallow part of the river, and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side. No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get across.After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up. Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her–across the bridge.
Nursery rhyme
Q: What’s a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Problem aboard
‘Curiosity’
A man travelling by plane was in urgent need of the toilet.
But each time he looked up, the illuminated sign proclaimed
that it was occupied.
The stewardess, aware of his predicament, suggested that he
uses the airplane’s new prototype women’s loo.
But he must not press any of the buttons inside. The were
labelled WW,WA,PP, and ATR.
The man’s curiousity got the best of him and he started
pressing the buttons one by one.
When he pressed WW, Warm, fragrant Water was sprayed all
over his entire bottom. He thought, wow, the women really
have it made.
Still curious, he pressed the button marked WA, and a gentle
breeze of Warm Air quickly dried his hindquarters. He thought
this was fantastic and reached for the button marked PP.
This yielded a large Powder Puff that delicately applied a
soft talc to his rear. Naturally, he couldn’t resist the
last button marked ATR.
When he woke up in the hospital, he buzzed for the nurse.
“What happened to me? The last thing I remember is that I
was in the new ladies’ room on a plane.”
“Yes,” replied the nurse, “apparently you were having a
great time until you pressed the ATR button, which stands for
AUTOMATIC TAMPON REMOVER. Your penis is under your pillow.”
Los siete enanitos est�n de
Los siete enanitos est�n de viaje por Europa, y han llegado a Roma. Piden audiencia con el Papa, ya que est�n por all� y por supuesto se la conceden, porque claro, para eso son LOS FAMOSOS SIETE ENANITOS.
Los enanitos, encabezados por Gru��n, entran en la sala de audiencias. El Papa les saluda: “Queridos hermanos, quereis preguntarme algo? Hay algo que los inquiete?” Gru��n se adelanta: “Disculpe Santidad, quer�amos saber si en Roma hay monjas enanas.” El Papa le responde sorprendido: “Pueeees, no, en Roma no hay monjas enanas.” Se oyen algunas risitas y murmullos entre los enanitos. Gru��n mira atr�s molesto y todos se callan. Vuelve a preguntar:”Y en Europa no hay monjas enanas?” El Papa responde de nuevo con santa paciencia: “No, querido hijo, que yo sepa en toda Europa no hay monjas enanas.” Ahora los enanitos se r�en francamente mientras Gru��n se va poniendo colorado. “Y en el mundo? En todo el mundo no hay monjas enanas?”, pregunta Gru��n. “No, querido hijo, seguro que en todo el mundo no hay monjas enanas”, responde el Papa.
Los enanitos, sin Gru��n, se r�en a carcajadas, saltan, se abalanzan los unos sobre los otros en montones mientras cantan: “Gru��n se cogi� a un ping�ino, Gru��n se cogi� a un ping�ino, Gru��n se cogi� a un ping�ino…”
At school
There were 3 boys at school, named zip, willy and pee. They were being very naughty in class and the teacher was getting annoyed so she seperated them, she said…….. Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner.
Driving in Heaven
3 guys die in a car accident, as they are going into heaven, a saint stops them and says to the first man,”were you a faithful husband?”he replies “yes, I never strayed from my wife, I barely even looked at other women”the saint replies, “very good, you can drive this brand new sports car!” he then turns to the next guy and says,”were you a faithful husband?”the second man replies “well, to be honest, I DID cheat once, but I came clean and stayed on the right path and my wife forgave me and we lived happily afterwards.”the saint then says, “very good, you can drive this 1993 sports car” he then turns to the third and asks,”were you a faithful husband?”the third man says, “no, I slept around, never came clean, when I was caught, I wouldn’t fess up and my wife hated me”the saint replies “well, that’s not very good, however, you were a good man besides that, you can drive around this 1983 compact” A few days later, the second and third man were cruising around in the second mans older sports car and they saw their friends nice new sports car parked outside a bar so they pull in. There they see their friend with his face in his hands crying, surrounded in beer bottles, so they walk up to him.”hey, how ya doin’? why are you crying?””I saw my wife today” he replies”hey, that’s great! did you say hello?” the other two men inquired.the first man replies, “no, that’s the problem, I couldn’t follow her onto the bicycle path with my car” — Goodguy
From the Grave
There was once this couple who had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night there would be screams and shouts from their house. One day the old man said, “I’m sick and tired of you. When I die, I will come out of my grave to haunt you.”After this, the old guy started practicing black magic. All the disappearances of people, cats, dogs, etc. were blamed on him.At the age of 80 the old guy dies, and his wife puts him in a casket. Later that night, she goes to the bar and parties as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbor comes up to her and says, “Aren’t you scared that the old guy will dig up and haunt you?”The old lady calmly replied, “Eh, let him keep digging. I put the casket the other way around!
Stinko
Q: What do you get when you cross a stink and a damio???
A: You get a stink-o-damio
Dad won’t say
Ten things that dads probably don’t say too often!
10. ‘Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost. Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.’
9. ‘You know Pumpkin, now that you’re 13, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?’
8. ‘I notice that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude… I like that.’
7. ‘Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car… go crazy.’
6. ‘What do you mean you wanna play rugby? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?’
5. ‘Your mother and I are going away for the weekend… you might want to consider throwing a party.’
4. ‘Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those watchamacallits – you know – that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.’
3. ‘No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring, now quit your belly-aching and let’s go to the mall.’
2. ‘Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.’
1. ‘Father’s Day? Don’t worry about that – it’s no big deal.’