If it doesn’t make sense, it’s either economics or psychology.
Author: admin
Jury fixing
Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed a man on his client’s jury to hold out
for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the state.
The jury was out for several days before they returned with the manslaughter verdict.
When Murphy paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.
“Sure did,” the juror replied, “the other eleven wanted to acquit.”
The Rabbit and the Snake
There’s a blind rabbit and a blind snake that are friends. One day, the blind rabbit tells the blind snake that he doesn’t know what he is, because he can’t see. The blind snake takes ahold of the rabbit and says, ‘Well, you have long fur covered ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit.’ The rabbit was happy to know what he was. He tells the blind snake, ‘Come here and I will try to determine what you are.’ The blind rabbit feels the snake and finally says, ‘You’re cold and slimy and don’t have any balls. You must be a lawyer.’
yo mama is so fat when she jumped in the ocean…
yo mama is so fat when she jumped in the ocean the whales came up and started singing you are family!
Bar Joke
A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose
selling point was that it was on top of the largest
skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the
bartender for a Jack Daniel’s. He downs it, and then takes
a running leap out the window. Much to everybody’s
surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window
back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks
the man how he did it.
“Easy,” says the man. “Outside this window are some very
strong wind currents which can carry you back to the
window.”
“Wow,” says the man at the bar. “I gotta try this.” He
takes a running leap out the window and falls to a
horrible, bloody, and flat death.
“Geez, Superman,” says the bartender. “You can be a real a
jerk when you’re drunk.”
Un turista regresa a su
Un turista regresa a su pa�s con un pollito que le hab�an regalado de recuerdo. En el avi�n, la azafata le explica que no se pueden llevar animales; as� que el viajero sale, se esconde el pollito en los calzoncillos y vuelve a entrar al aparato. Se sienta al lado de una monjita y se echa a dormir.
M�s tarde, el pollito saca la cabeza por entre la bragueta del hombre; mira tiernamente a la religiosa y emite un p�o, p�o. La mujer se alarma y se dirige al paseante:
“�Despierte, r�pido, despierte! Mire usted que yo no entiendo mucho de esto, pero me parece que se le rompi� un huevo”.
What’s dumber than?
What’s dumber than three guys trying to build a house out of sticks? what? Three blondes trying to brun it down!
’twas the night before impeachment
[surprisingly bi-partisan]’TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENTDecember 17, 1998’Twas The Night Before Impeachment, When all through the House, All Congress was stirring, Even Conyers, the louse. The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care, In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair. The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds, While visions of perjury danced in their heads. And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap, Had just settled in for a long evening’s nap.When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter. When what to their wondering eyes should appear But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer. With a Presidential address, so lively and quick, They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came, And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:’Now Conyers, now Gephardt, let’s forget The Vixen!On Barney! On Maxine! I’m no Richard Nixon!!!’ ‘From Capitol Hill to the Washington Mall, Now dash away, dash away, dash away all !!!’And then the Republicans heard on the roofThe prancing and pawing of each little hoof. They scratched their heads and were turning around When resilient Saint Willie scored another rebound. No longer would he eat from his humble pie, While assaulting Saddam with his bombs from the sky. A bundle of weapons he had flung at Iraq, It looked once again like Slick Willie was back.His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!His cheeks were like roses, His nose like a cherry. His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the hair on his head was as white as the snow. The stump of a stogie, he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.He was chubby and plump – a right jolly old elf, And the Republicans wept, in spite of themselves. And a wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave them to know they had something to dread. He spoke the right words and went straight to his work Hard to believe Mon had called him ‘The Jerk.’And shaking his finger and thumbing his nose, By ‘Wagging The Dog,’ up the polls he rose. He turned to his spinmeisters and gave them a whistle, Then they cheered-on Slick Willie as he launched another missile. They all heard him exclaim, with Impeachment out of sight, ‘Happy Ramadan to all, and to all a good night.’
The Cesium song 11
Cesium Glows(Tune, Love’s a Rose – Neil Young)Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,It’s fire grows when it’s on the tongue.Lips full of holes, you’ll know you’ve kissed it,Just take a bite if you want to die young.I want to see what’s never been seen,I want to dream that Cesium dream.Come on love, we can glow together,Let’s eat it all right now.Take a bite right now.I want to lie in a hole in the ground,Six feet deep, and twelve feet ’round.Sky blue light around me shinin’,Pale blue worms upon me dinin’.Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,It’s fire grows when its on your tongue.Mouth full of holes if ever you kiss it,Gimme a spoon ’cause I wanna die Young.—Songs of Cesium #109
He is a very fast drinker
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?”The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doing all this drinking. “You’d drink them this fast too if you had what I have.” The bartender hastily asks, “What do you have pal?” The man quickly replies, “I have a dollar.”
Meals on Wheels
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter met the cat at the gate and said, “Welcome. Is there anything you didn’t have on Earth that I can get for you, here in Heaven?”.The cat thought for a moment and said, “Yes, I always had to sleep on a hard floor, could I get a warm soft bed?”. St. Peter arranged for it.Next, four mice died and went to heaven. St. Peter asked the same question, and the mice thought a moment and said, “Yes, we were always running on Earth, could we get roller skates here in heaven?” St. Peter of course granted their wish.About a month went by and St. Peter saw the cat and asked how he liked his bed. The cat said, “I like it alot, but I really enjoy those ‘Meals on Wheels'”.
In Palm Beach Florida, one local business…
In Palm Beach Florida, one local business has posted a sign in their
window:
“We would rather do business with 1,000 terrorists than with one Jew.”
The business: Goldberg’s Funeral Home.