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Entra dr�cula a una habitaci�n y encuentra a Frankestein con su pene sobre un yunque y peg�ndose con una maza. Dr�cula le pregunta:
“�Qu� hac�s?”
“Me estoy masturbando.”
Sorprendido, Dr�cula pregunta:
“�Y cu�ndo goz�s?”
Frankestein contesta:
“Cuando yerro.”
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on
Santa’s lap. Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”
The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe.”
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I thought Barbie comes
with Ken.”
“No,” said the little girl. “She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.”
Shipwrecked
A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were
shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree
and yelled, “Stop making love down there!”
“What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down.
‘”We weren’t making love.”
“Sorry,” said the sailor, “From up there it looked like you were.” Every
morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing.
Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great
difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to himself, “By golly
he’s right! It DOES look like they’re making love down there!”
What is the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdriver?
One turns in screws…
The other screws interns!
What happens when a man tries to hide his baldness by combing his
hair across his head?
The truth comes shining through.
A guy walks into a bar and hears this voice say,
‘Hey, you’re a pretty good-looking guy.’
Upon, further investigation, he realizes that the voice is coming from a bowl of nuts.
So he asks the barman, ‘What’s this?’
The bartender replies, ‘They’re complimentary peanuts.’
A brunette walks over to her Blonde friends home and finds her crying.
“What happened…why are you crying?”
The Blonde tells her that her mother has passed away.
The neighbor makes her some coffee, comforts her and then leaves.
The next day the neighbor goes back over to the house and finds the blonde crying again.
Once again, she asks her why she was crying?
This time the blonde replies hysterically…
“I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!
A psychiatrist’s receptionist comes in and says, “There’s a
man out in the lobby who says he can make himself invisible.”
“Tell him I can’t see him right now.”
A blonde and her friend were walking together and the
blondes
friend says, “Look a dead bird”! So the blonde looks up.
16) During Sunday sermon, they hold a palm up to the pastor and say, “Talk to the hand!”
15) Every night at the dinner table, it’s the same routine: “Eat your vegetables!” ….and the chairs go flying.
14) You’ve had to replace the babysitter with three burly stagehands.
13) Dinner topic: “Teenage boys who hide ‘Playboy’ under their mattresses.”
12) Junior’s new mastery of the headlock has made him the star of his high school debate team.
11) Have evolved from playing “Doctor” to “Plastic Surgeon specializing in Male Enlargement.”
10) They want to know why they only live in a house instead of a double-wide trailer.
9) At the dinner table, little Billy announces a surprise guest: your secretary/mistress.
8) Your Elvis shrine ain’t been Endusted in two weeks.
7) Her tendency to hop up on tables, tear her shirt open and dance suggestively has gotten you banned from more than one Chuck E. Cheese.
6) Your youngest has stopped calling you “Mommy” in favor of “Crack-ho.”
5) Math: C-
History: D+
English: F
Interviewing Transvestite Hookers: A+
4) Last year, when you told him to clean his room, you merely got a sullen look. This year you get a dining room chair over your head.
3) Your son asks if anyone makes a DNA paternity test kit for Cabbage Patch Kids.
2) During that “little talk” with Junior, you’re forced to admit that you don’t know if hermaphrodites are “birds” or “bees.”
1) Poor Ken just found out he hasn’t been dating Barbie, but GI Joe in drag.
Who won the mummy race?
It was dead even!
My name is Delores, and I have a Snotty Nose! All my friends tell me to grab tissue, but I say NO! I do not think that is necessary! I think my cousins best friends brothers sleeve looks much softer! so I blew and I blew and I mean I BLEW! And beleive me, I have not blown my nose for 8 years! thanx for listenin!
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?
A: The accountant knows he is boring.