Your Momma is so fat she went to KFC she asked for a bucket of chicken they said what size she said the one on the roof.
Author: admin
Blonde Up
A blonde and her friend were walking together and the
blondes
friend says, “Look a dead bird”! So the blonde looks up.
Mummy Race
Who won the mummy race?
It was dead even!
Chatting women
Two women were chatting and one asked the other,
“Mable, do you talk to your husband while you’re having passionate intercourse?”
Mable answered, “Heavens no! Why would you want to make a phone call at a time like that?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Snotty Nose
My name is Delores, and I have a Snotty Nose! All my friends tell me to grab tissue, but I say NO! I do not think that is necessary! I think my cousins best friends brothers sleeve looks much softer! so I blew and I blew and I mean I BLEW! And beleive me, I have not blown my nose for 8 years! thanx for listenin!
Gobsmacked antiques dealer
a woman takes a used tampon to an antiques dealer and says”cmon then you smart fucker tell me what period this is from then!”
Tied To A Tree
A San Francisco tourist is taking a stroll through Golden Gate Park when he�s attacked by three horny sailors.
They strip him, tie him over a tree branch so he can�t move and butt fuck him repeatedly, then leave him tied-up and helpless.
Hours later he spies a policeman through the trees and calls for help.
The cop strolls over.
“Well Hello! What have we here?” the cop asks.
The poor tourist quickly relates his ordeal with the sailors.
“Really?”, says the cop, �It�s not your day for uniforms . . . as the cop unzips his fly,. . . now is it sir?”
Difference
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?
A: The accountant knows he is boring.
Nice Peanuts
A guy walks into a bar and hears this voice say,
‘Hey, you’re a pretty good-looking guy.’
Upon, further investigation, he realizes that the voice is coming from a bowl of nuts.
So he asks the barman, ‘What’s this?’
The bartender replies, ‘They’re complimentary peanuts.’
Drink this in memory of me
The bartender was washing his glasses when an elderly Irishman came in. With
great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled
himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman looked down the bar and asked, “Is that Jesus down there?”
The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey,
too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who
moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of
Chianti.
He also looked down the bar and asked, �Is that Jesus sitting at the end of
the bar?�
The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too.
The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who swaggered into the bar
and hollered, “Barkeep, set me up a cold one!�
�Hey, is that God’s Boy down there?”
The barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman, touched him, and
said, �For your kindness, you are healed!�
The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a
jig out the door.
Jesus touched the Italian and said, “For your kindness, you are healed!”
The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head
and did a flip out the door.
Jesus walked toward the redneck, but the redneck jumped back and exclaimed,
“Don’t touch me! I’m drawing disability!”
Death in the Family!
A brunette walks over to her Blonde friends home and finds her crying.
“What happened…why are you crying?”
The Blonde tells her that her mother has passed away.
The neighbor makes her some coffee, comforts her and then leaves.
The next day the neighbor goes back over to the house and finds the blonde crying again.
Once again, she asks her why she was crying?
This time the blonde replies hysterically…
“I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!
Gay Sperm
Q-What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A-How are we suposed to find an egg in all of this shit?