On the other hand, you have different fingers.”I love cats…they taste just like chicken””Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.””Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician””I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….””Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!””I souport publik edekasion””We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.””Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?””Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.”
Author: admin
Jewish Mother
On the first night of Chanukah, my Jewish mother said, “You’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
On the second night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
On the third night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
On the fourth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
On the fifth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “YOU’RE GETTING FAT! taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
On the sixth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Don’t you like the doughnuts? YOU’RE GETTING FAT! taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
On the seventh night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Take another brownie, don’t you like the doughnuts? YOU’RE GETTING FAT! taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
On the eighth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Try my home-made strudel, take another brownie, don’t you like the doughnuts? YOU’RE GETTING FAT! taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”
OY!!! GRAB ME THE SELTZER:::::. AHHHHHH
Never argue with a women when she’s tired…
Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.
A bats worst nightmare
What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while asleep?
The runs
“When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.”
Elayne Boosler
Classes For Women
Women think they already know everything, but wait… training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears – The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking (hahahahahahaha)
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To
20. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You’ve Worn Before
It’s not hard.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.
All about me
one day i was walking down the street and i say a big big dick.
Kids
Kids enter the classroom and greet the female teacher. Only Vova walks in
without greetings, and takes his seat silently. The teacher says, “Why do you
behave in such a rude way? Get out and walk in again, and do it as your father
does when he comes home.”
Vova walks out, and in a minute he storms back in, slams the door, and shouts,
“What,dogs didn’t expect me?”
This dog is acting badly
While waiting for a bus, the blind man’s dog decided to go to the bathroom all
over the blind man’s legs.
A passerby commented to the blind man, “What! That dog just went to the
bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him? Are you crazy?”
To which the blind man replied, “Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for
his bottom, so I can kick him.”
Un tipo hosco y mal
Un tipo hosco y mal encarado entra a un banco. De forma prepotente le ordena a la cajera:
“�Quiero abrir una pinche cuenta en este banco de porquer�a!”
�Por favor, se�or, est� prohibido hablar de esa manera aqu�!”
“�Por qu� jijos de la chingada no puedo hablar como se me d� mi gana?”
“�Se�or, le suplico que deje de decir vulgaridades!”, solicita la chica con serenidad.
“Me vale madres lo que usted piense, yo s�lo quiero abrir una maldita cuenta en este banco de mierda!”
La cajera, indignada por el comportamiento del grosero individuo, se va y regresa acompa�ada del gerente del banco para que �ste lo ponga en su lugar. El gerente, muy diplom�ticamente, se dirige al hombre:
“Disculpe, caballero, �puedo ayudarle en algo?”
�Vaya pregunta pendeja! �Claro que me puedes ayudar, tarado! Me acabo de ganar pinches 50 millones de d�lares en la loter�a y quiero abrir una cuenta en esta porquer�a de banco!”
“�Ah, ya veo… Y esta est�pida perra mal parida lo est� molestando, �verdad, pendeja?”, responde el gerente cambiando de actitud.
Tomatos
there is a 3 tomatos walking down the street, a daddy tomato a mommy tomato and a baby tomato, the baby tomato starts to trail behind…so the father turns around goes back to the baby and steps on him…and says…”ketchup”