Kids enter the classroom and greet the female teacher. Only Vova walks in
without greetings, and takes his seat silently. The teacher says, “Why do you
behave in such a rude way? Get out and walk in again, and do it as your father
does when he comes home.”
Vova walks out, and in a minute he storms back in, slams the door, and shouts,
“What,dogs didn’t expect me?”
Author: admin
Classes For Women
Women think they already know everything, but wait… training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears – The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking (hahahahahahaha)
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To
20. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You’ve Worn Before
“When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.”
Elayne Boosler
Remember Your Psalms
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road he stopped
and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg.
The priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his
hand slide up her leg. She immediately says “Father remembers psalm 129.”
The priest apologizes profusely and removes his hand but is unable to remove
his eyes from her leg.
Further on when he changes gear and has ogled at her leg for the zillionth
time he lets the hand slide up the leg again. The Nun once again says “Father
remembers psalm 129″.Once again the priest apologizes “Sorry sister but you know
the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way.
Once he arrives at his church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm 129 it
said: “GO FORTH AND SEEK, FURTHER UP YOU WILL FIND GLORY”
El sobrino de Bonifacio se
El sobrino de Bonifacio se prepara para casarse y �ste le manifiesta:
“�Mis sinceras felicitaciones, mi hijo, el d�a de hoy t� lo vas a recordar como el d�a m�s feliz de tu vida!”
“S�, t�o, pero la boda es ma�ana…”
“Ya lo s�, mi hijo, ya lo s�…”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Gina!Gina who!Gina you
Knock KnockWho’s there?Gina!Gina who!Gina you don’t recognize me!
Whats the difference
Q. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A MISQUTO
A. YOU SLAP THE MISQUTO AND IT STOPS SUCKING
This dog is acting badly
While waiting for a bus, the blind man’s dog decided to go to the bathroom all
over the blind man’s legs.
A passerby commented to the blind man, “What! That dog just went to the
bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him? Are you crazy?”
To which the blind man replied, “Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for
his bottom, so I can kick him.”
A bats worst nightmare
What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while asleep?
The runs
Never argue with a women when she’s tired…
Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.
Dr. Seuss as Clinton’s Lawyer
I did not do it in a car
I did not do it in a bar
I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park
I did not do it on a date
I did not ever fornicate
I did not do it at a dance
I did not do it in her pants
I did not get beyond first base
I did not do it in her face
I never did it in a bed
If you think that you’ve been misled
I did not do it with a groan
I did not do it on the phone
I did not cause her dress to stain
While talking to Saddam Hussein
I did not do it with a whip
I did not fondle Linda Tripp
I never acted really silly
With volunteers like Kathleen Willey
There was one time with Margaret Thatcher
I chased her round but could not catch her
No kinky stuff, not on your life
I would not, could not, with my wife
Now that Miss Flowers’ tale of woes
Was paid for by my right-wing foes
And Paula Jones and those State Troopers
Are just a bunch of party poopers
I did not ask my friends to lie
And then just hang them out to dry
I did not do it last November
And if I did I don’t remember
I did not do it in the hall
I could have but I don’t recall
There was no sex at Arlington
There was no sex on Air Force One
I might have copped a little feel
And then endeavored to conceal
But never did these things so lewd
At least not ever in the nude
These things to which I have confessed
They do not count if we stayed dressed
I never used that big cigar
You must believe me Mr. Starr
I did not know this little sin
Would be retold on CNN
I broke some rules my mama taught me
I tried to hide but now you’ve caught me
But I implore, I do beseech
Do not condemn, do not impeach
I might have got a little tail
But never ever did inhale.
I’m Glad I’m A Woman
I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am I don’t live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions I don’t get wasted at parties and act like a clown and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
I won’t grab your hooters, I won’t pinch your butt my belt buckle’s not hidden beneath my beer gut and I don’t go around “readjusting” my crotch or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch I don’t belch in public, I don’t scratch my behind
I’m a woman you see — I’m just not that kind! I’m glad I’m a woman, I’m so glad I could sing I don’t have body hair like shag carpeting It doesn’t grow from my ears or cover my back When I lean over you can’t see 3 inches of crack
And what’s on my head doesn’t leave with my comb I’ll never buy a toupee to cover my dome Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
I’m a woman, you know — I’ve got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two boobs and squat when I pee I don’t live to play golf and shoot basketball I don’t swagger and spit like a Neanderthal I won’t tell you my wife just does not understand stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I’m glad I’m a woman, a woman you see you can forget all about that old penis envy I don’t long for male bonding, I don’t cruise for chicks join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick I’m a woman by chance and I’m thankful it’s true I’m so glad I’m a woman and not a man like you!