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Poland’s worst air disaster occurred today when a two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery late this morning in central Poland.
Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
“Do you realize what time it is?” she asked.
He answered, “Don’t get excited. I’m late because I bought something for the house.”
Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, “What did you buy for the house, dear?”
His answer was, “A round of drinks!”
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, ”Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, ”No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, ”I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, ”What do you mean, $200?”
16> Herpes the Love Bug Rises Again
15> Pocket Monsters, Inc.
14> In Search of the Castaways’ Remains
13> The Inedible-Due-to-Harbor-Pollution Mister Limpet
12> Babes in Neverland
11> Kilo and Snitch
10> The Skanky Dog
9> Bedknobs and Handcuffs
8> Pocahotass
7> Lady and the Cramps
6> Brother, Bare
5> 101 Inflammations
4> DumbHo
3> The Lizzie McGuire/Paris Hilton Movie
2> That Darn Clap
1> Darby O’Gill and the Village People
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
A man was standing on a train platform seeing the train off, and he
observed someone near him shouting at one of the departing passengers,
“Goodbye. Your wife was a great lay! Your wife was a great lay!”
He was stunned.
After the train pulled away, he walked over to the man who’d done the
shouting, and asked, “Did I hear you correctly? Did you tell that man
his wife was a great lay?”
The other man shrugged his shoulders. “It isn’t really true,” he
said, “but I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”
Generation X Office LingoBlamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively.Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one’s own name.Elvis Year: The peak year of something’s or someone’s popularity. ‘Barney the Dinosaur’s Elvis year was 1993.’404: Someone who’s clueless. ‘Don’t bother asking him; he’s 404.’ From the WWW error message ‘404 Not Found’, meanig the requested document couldn’t be located.Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a big mistake.Perot: To quit unexpectedly, as in ‘My cellular phone just perot’ed.’Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.Squirt the Bird: To transmit a signal to a satellite. Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. ‘We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists.’Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired.Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.”Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks.The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.”So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair.She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,” and she processed his Social Security application.When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”
There were four blondes going to the mall and
they didn’t know what store they wanted to go to.So they went to look at the map.When they got there the map said “You are here”” and one of the girls said “”How do they know we are here!””
“
Did you hear about the Armenian welfare doll?
You wind it up and it doesn’t work.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Patient: My tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in aluminum foil, what’s wrong with me? Doctor: You have far too much free time!
There once was a medieval village named Trinsic. This village was being terrorized by a vile monster, the Medicrin. Each night, the Medicrin would stalk down from the hills, and devour one of the villagers. The terrified villagers called a meeting, and decided to pool their money together to hire the great hero Erik.
Erik came and listened to the complaints of the villagers. He consulted his Great Hero’s Book of Vile Monsters, and learned that Medicrins love to eat Loons. So Erik hunted high and low to find a loon. He found one, captured it, tied it up, and brought it back to the village. He then had the villagers dig a deep pit. Erik threw the loon into the pit, hoping to capture the Medicrin,and slay it.
That night, the Medicrin came… It smelled the loon… But it also smelled DANGER, and it ran off, devouring one of the villagers on the way out.
After calming the villagers, the next day, Erik again consulted his Great Hero’s Book of Vile Monsters, and learned that Medicrins also love sugar. So Erik gathered up all of the sugar in the village, and threw it into the pit.
The loon, not having eaten in days, devoured all of the sugar in a single gulp. Erik was struck with panic, and ran to and fro trying to figure out what to do next, but night had fallen, and the Medicrin would bethere soon, so Erik crossed his fingers, and hoped for the best. That night, the Medicrin came… It smelled the loon… It smelled danger… But it also smelled the sugar, and the Medicrin dived into the pit, and devoured the loon.
The villagers swarmed over the Medicrin, and slew it. The moral of the story: “A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go down.”