They don’t hardly make ’em like him any more – but just to
be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.”
Author: admin
Muffet
little miss muffet
wanked on a tuffet
with a dildo the size of her arm
along came a nigger whos cock was much bigger
and did her some serious harm
Freedom of Speech
A tourist from the United States of America is at a restaurant in Havana. He tells the waiter that the USA is the best country in the world because of the freedoms it has. He says, “Take Freedom of Speech for example. I could stand in front of the White House in Washington D.C. and yell ‘President Bush is a bastard!’ and nothing would be done to me.”The Cuban waiter replies, “We have that same freedom in Cuba. I could stand in front of El Capital and yell the same thing and nothing would be done to me either!”
Your’re a redneck if…
You’re a redneck if…
-You have more fingers than you do teeth
-You cut your grass and find a car
-You consider Denny’s a Fancy Resturant
-Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors
-Your age is higher than your I.Q.
IRS
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet:
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said “okay,” grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender payed the $1,000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?”
The man replied, “I work for the IRS.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Growing Old
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?…. “I’m four and a half” …. You’re never 36 and a half …. you’re four and a half going on five!
That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? “I’m gonna be 16.” You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens …. you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony …. you BECOME 21 … YES!!!
But then you turn 30 …. ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk …. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now.
What’s wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40 ….. stay over there, it’s all slipping away ……..
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 ….. and your dreams are gone.
Then you MAKE IT to 60 ….. you didn’t think you’d make it!!!!
So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 …… then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!
After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday …. You get into your 80’s, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas …. it’s an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.
And it doesn’t end there …. into the 90’s you start going backwards …. I was JUST 92 …
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again …. “I’m 100 and a half!!!!”
Not A Pharmacist
Q: Why won’t they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Fetch
The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise.
“You need to make sure the dog runs around,” the doctor said. “Try playing a game of fetch the ball.”
“I can’t play fetch with my dog,” the blonde said.
“Why not?” the doctor asked.
“Because,” she replied, “He can’t throw, duh.”
Good News Bad News
A man walks into a doctor’s office and the doctor says to him, ” I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” the patient says.
“The good news is that your penis is going to be two inches longer and an inch wider,”the doctor replies.
“That’s great!” says the patient.” What’s the bad news?”
The doctor says, “It’s malignant.”
Aspiring Psychiatrists
The aspiring psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first
class on emotional extremes.
“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor, to the student from
the University of Houston, “What is the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” said the student.
“And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Rice.
“Elation,” said she.
“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas A&M, “How about the
opposite of woe?”
The Aggie replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”
Santa and the thoughtful 20 year old
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised
when a young lady about twenty years old walked
up and sat on his lap.
Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults,
but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her,
“What do you want for Christmas?”
“Something for my mother, please.” said the young lady.
“Something for your mother? Well, that’s very
thoughtful of you,” smiled Santa.
“What do you want me to bring her?”
Without blinking she replied, “A son-in-law!”
Un homosexual pasaba por una
Un homosexual pasaba por una casa en construcci�n, y los alba�iles gritaron:
“�Adi�s maric�n!”
Y �l les respondi�:
“�Adi�s alba�ilotes feos, sucios y fuchis!”
Al d�a siguiente, volvi� a pasar por la misma obra, pero esta vez los alba�iles gritaron:
“�Adi�s mamacita!”
A lo que respondi�:
“�Hasta luego, se�ores arquitectos!”