Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
Author: admin
Ten Commandments
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honour thy father and thy mother,” she asked “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
Bzzzzz!!
What does a bee do with it’s stinger before he goes to bed???
He put’s it in his honey!!
Play on the words
“Welcome to Entropy Burgers — may I take your order?””I put in disorder a long time ago. The service here is getting worse all the time.””My experience Gibbs me reason to believe you.””I know the waitress who asked that, too. Her name’s Ellen Omega. She really made me thermally dynamic. So, I asked her out. I tell you, when she don’t like you, she really Boltz, man. Women like that are never distributed normally among the population.””What kind of Poisson would say something like this?”
Maintenance phase
Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the
maintenance phase.
You’re so ugly…
You’re so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school, she was arrested for littering!
Flats
There is two flats facing a graveyard and a man dies and can not get in that graveyard do you know why?
because he was not dead yet.
by Kieran MacKenzie age 9
also creator of the IRA Garage
Free Employment Advice
Personnel executives of 100 major corporations were asked for stories of
unusual behavior by job applicants.
10. “… Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.”
9. “She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the
same time.”
8. A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few
minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.”
7. “… Asked to see interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive
was qualified to judge the candidate.”
6. “… announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and
French fries in the interviewer’s office – wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.”
5. “Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific
interview questions.”
4. “When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing
around my office.”
3. “… Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said
he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.”
2. “Said he wasn’t interested because the position paid too much.”
1. “During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate’s brief
case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for
another interview.”
knitting
Did you hear about the plane they stopped from take off at
Cleveland-Hopkins
This older Lady had Crochet needles
and was knitting away.
so they stopped the take off,
They were afraid she was going to knit an Afgan
****GM vs MICROSOFT*****
****GM vs MICROSOFT***** At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: ”If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.”
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have tobuy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, andyou would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought ”Car95” or ”CarNT.” But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single ”general car default” warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say ”Are you sure?” before going off.
10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You’d press the ”start” button to shut off the engine.
Unique Rabbit
Q: How do you catch a unigue Rabbit
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit
A: Tame way
So Nasty…
Your mama’s so nasty, when I talked to her on the phone, I got an ear
infection!