your mama pussy so fat every time i look at it,i say dawm what a hole
Author: admin
Crazy People in the Forest
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psychopath.
In the Emergency Roo
A guy shows up at the emergency room with a golf club wrapped around his head.The doctor asks the guy how this came to be…”I was playing at that new course out in the country. Because of the only bad tee shot I’ve made in my life, my ball ended up in the cow pasture. While I was out there looking for it, some fat broad hit her ball into the same place.””So we’re both out there searching, and she’s swearing like she just invented it and beating the hell out of the forage with her club. I find a ball. She claims it’s hers, and we end up continuing to search for the other one while she bitches and I listen. Finally, I know I’ve looked everywhere except where some real cows are standing.””So I pick up the cows’ feet one by one, but there’s no ball under a cow. Now there’s only one other chance. I lift up the biggest cow’s tail, and sure as hell, there’s a golf ball! When I turned to the fat broad, the ball fell out. I pointed under the tail and said ‘Does that look like yours?'”
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
Twas the night before crisis
Twas the night before crisis,And all through the house,Not a program was working,Not even a browse.Programmers were wrung out,Too mindless to care,Knowing chances of cutoverHadn’t a prayer.The users were nestledAll snug in their beds,While visions of inquiriesDanced in their heads.When out in the lobbyThere arose such a clatter,That I sprang from my tubeTo see what was the matter.And what to my wonderingEyes should appear,But a Super Programmer,Oblivious to fear.More rapid than eagles,His programs they cameAnd he whistled and shoutedAnd called them by name.On Update! On Add!On Inquiry! On Delete!On Batch Jobs! On Closing!On Functions Complete!His eyes were glazed over,His fingers were lean,From weekends and nightsSpent in front of a screen.A wink of his eye,And a twist of his head,Soon gave me to knowI had nothing to dread.He spoke not a word,But went straight to his work,Turning specs into code,Then he turned with a jerk.And laying his fingersUpon the ENTER key,The system came up,And worked perfectly!The updates updated;The deletes they deleted;The inquiries inquired;And the closing completed.He tested each whistle,He tested each bell,With nary an abend,And all had gone well.The system was finished,The tests were concluded,The client’s last changesWere even included!And the client exclaimed,With a snarl and a taunt,”It’s just what I asked for,But it’s not what I want!”
How did Bill Clinton get
How did Bill Clinton get the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the National
Security Council to agree to bomb the Sudan and Afgahnistan?
He called them all together, stood in front of them and said, “If you do
not agree with me, just open your mouth.”
i know him
A small town prosecuting barrister called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a attractive middle aged lady. He approached her and asked, “Ms. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “I do know you Mr. Leigh. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.” The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defence attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Knowles since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.” At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both barristers to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be jailed for contempt!”
Man On an Island
A man, his dog, his goat and their needed supplies are on a great ship. During a wicked storm lightning hits it and the boat sinks they wash up on shore, the man, the dog, the goat, and even the needed supplies.
The man then pops a boner, he looks at the dog, “Nah!”, says the man. looks at the goat, “Eh what the hell.”, and he tries to screw the goat. the dog bites his arm and gets him away from the goat for a few days.
A few days later he spots a woman on a boat in the middle of the ocean. He swims out there and saves her. Then he realizes, “God Damn shes hot!” She wakes up and says, “Thank you for saving my life, i will do anything you ask…ANYTHING!”
The Man Says, “You can hold that damn dog for a minute.”
Bedroom football
A guy comes home from the bar one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart.
His wife wakes up and asks, “What in the world was that?”
He replies, “Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing.”
She thinks to herself “I’m gonna fix him.” Then she lets one loose.
He yells at her, “What was that?”
She replies “Touchdown, tie score.”
Now he thinks, “I’m gonna fix her.” He’s lying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed.
The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?”
He replied, “Half time, switch sides.”
Eating Alone
The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent
the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards
the end of class, the teacher asked his students, “Suppose I asked you to meet
me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes
east longitude…” A student’s voice broke the confused silence, and
volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone, sir.”
Blonde going to the airport
Q. Why did the blonde turn around and go back home on her way to the aiport?
A. Because she saw a sign that said, “Airport left”…
Una mujer se queja ante
Una mujer se queja ante el m�dico porque hace d�as que su marido no le hace nada.
“Justo en ese momento, se�ora, se est�n probando unas gotas para devolver las ganas, �selas con su marido y regrese a contarme”.
Al d�a siguiente, la mujer vuelve con el galeno con una cara que no se sab�a si era de alegr�a o de desconsuelo.
“�C�mo le fue, se�ora?”
“Pues no s�, doctor, perm�tame explicarle: estaba cenando con mi marido y en el momento en que �l se levant� de la mesa yo le ech� las gotas en su bebida. Cuando regres�, se tom� un s�lo trago de su bebida y, exactamente a los cinco minutos, se levant� de la mesa, bot� todo al suelo, me puso sobre la mesa y….”
“Pero, �entonces qu� pasa, no era eso lo que usted quer�a?”
“S�, pero no en un restaurante”.