Author: admin

Estaban tres amigos en un bar, entonces Manolo le dice a Venancio:

“Oye, compadre, pr�stame 1000 pesetas por favor, te juro que te las devuelvo ma�ana, si no lo hago me matas.”

“Est� bien, te las prestar�, pero si no me las devuelves te mato, en serio que te mato y aqu� est� el compadre Poncho de testigo.”

A la ma�ana siguiente estaban Poncho y Manolo en el mismo bar:

“Oye Poncho �qu� crees?”

“�Qu�?”

“No tengo dinero para pagarle a Venancio y ahora si me va a matar.”

Entonces llega Venancio al bar con un rifle:

“Manolo espero que me hayas traido mi dinero.”

Entonces Manolo le quita el rifle a Venancio y le dice:

“Lo siento Venancio pero no he conseguido el dinero para pagarte, as� que nos volveremos a ver en el m�s all�.”

Y PUN se mata Manolo. Pero Venancio no conforme exclama:

“�Ah no, �sta me las va a pagar Manolo en el m�s all�!”

Y PUN se mata Venancio. Y Poncho se queda pensando:

“Esta pelea no me la pierdo” y PUN…

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 10 MILES. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 5 MILES and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, “What may we do for you, my son?” He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business.””Very well, my son. Please follow me.” He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, “Please knock on this door”. He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, “Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.” He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: GO IN PEACE, YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY.

One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came
across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the
bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage. The cat
was feeling quite puckish so as the water wasn’t that deep he
reached in with his little paw and hooked the sausage out and
ate it.

The next day the cat was walking through the park again and he
peered into the pond again. There was another sausage but this
time it was a normal sized one so the cat reached in but this
time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked
the sausage out and ate it.

The next day the cat looked into the pond and found an enormous
Cumberland sausage at the bottom of the pond. It looked so
delicious but it was so deep that he had to actually put the
whole of his body into the pond to reach the sausage. He found
it very tasty.

The moral of the story is

The bigger the sausage – the wetter the pussy.

Dean, to the physics department.”Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn’t you be like the math department – all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper.”

The plural of ‘moose’ is ‘mice’, because if you
have more than one, they had better be small.