Q: What do you call eight consecutive days of office sex?
A: Hanukkah Lewinsky!
Author: admin
Baldheaded
a farmer was awakend by horrible sound in the
late hours of the night. he went out to
investigate the noise, when he found his chickens running scared from the chicken house.
the farmer went in the house to find his bird in the hen house rapping the chickens. he grabbed the bird by the neck and took him into the house and threw him on his perch. he then told the
bird if he did it again he would tear every feather out of his body. the following night the same thing happend and the farmer did just what he had told his bird he would do.he plucked every feather off of his body and threw him on the perch again. he had warned the bird that night that he had better behave for the farmer was having a party that night and the only way for the bird toredeem himself was to help the farmer out by telling the compnay “coats the the right”.
the party later that night and the farmer was keeping an on on the bird he seemd to be doing well when all of the suddenly a man removed his hat which exposed bright shinning head. the bird then said ladies coats to the right you bald headed hen fuckers up here on the pirch with me.
Cow Murderer
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket.
“You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?” she sneered.
I replied in a psychotic tone, “I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now I’ll have to kill you too.”
It is not enough to
It is not enough to tell me you worked hard to get your gold. The devil works hard too.
TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
–Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.
–Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
–Always say “Excuse me” after getting sick in someone else’s car.
–It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
–Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it’s considered
tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
–The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if
other people are around.
–If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
–Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.
No Pubic Hair…….
What has 10,000 legs, but no pubic hair? The first 7 rows at a “Britney” concert.
Two [ethnics], Tom and Jack,
Two [ethnics], Tom and Jack, were sitting in a bar one day, when two
fishermen walked in with 2 huge trout, one of the [ethnics] asked where the
guys got the fish, and the fishermen told the [ethnics] that they go down to the
bridge, one guy would hold the other by the ankles until a fish was
caught.
The [ethnics] figured that they could to that.
After holding Tom for about 20 minutes, Jack asked Tom if he had anything,
and the reply was “no.” About 20 more minutes passes, so Jack asked again, and
again the reply was “no.” Finally, Tom yelled “Pull me up!! Pull me up!!”
Jack exclaimed “Ya got one?” Tom said, “No! a train is coming!”
Only a bureaucracy can fight
Only a bureaucracy can fight a bureaucracy.
Q: How many Tauruses
Q: How many Tauruses does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: One. But only if they can celebrate afterwards with a ten course meal and some great sex.
The Dean and the Phy
Dean, to the physics department.”Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn’t you be like the math department – all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper.”
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and
Katharine Hepburn
A baseball manager
A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup.
“Remember,” the doctor said, “don’t get excited, don’t get mad, and forget about
baseball when you’re off the field.” Then he added, “By the way, how come you
let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two men out in
the ninth?”