There were once three boys in a classroom called Zip, Dick
and Pee. Their teacher went out of the classroom so they
decided to get up to some mischeif. Zip got on top of the
cupboard, Dick got inside and Pee jumped around outside.
The teacher came back in and said, ”Zip down, Dick out and
Pee in the corner!”
Author: admin
Teacher Arrested
News Release: Teacher Arrested
At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement.
He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,” Ashcroft said. “They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.
They use secret code names like ‘x’and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘there are 3 sides to every triangle’.”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”
Apperance
Roses are red,Violets are blue,
God made me pretty,
What the hell happened to you?!
I used up all my
I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
Bride and Groom
This guy is getting married and he is a bit nervous since he is not too experienced. So he asks his best man to come along on the honeymoon and give a few pointers.
The best man exclaims, “Come on man, its your honeymoon, you’re supposed to be spending time with your wife, not your best friend!”
To which the groom replies that he has already paid for a room next door to his for the best man. After much coercion, the best man give in and decides to go along. They work out a system where the best man will pound on the wall and shout advice if he hears anything going wrong.
So the honeymoon comes and goes, and the bride and groom go to the honeymoon suite of the hotel, and the best man goes to his room next door. After a few moments, the bride gets undressed, but the groom gets so nervous he runs into the bathroom and locks the door. After about five minutes of waiting, the bride says, “honey, are you coming out, I have to go to the bathroom!”
The groom replies, “I will be out in a few minutes, hon, I’ll be ready soon.”
After a few more minutes, the bride can’t wait any longer, so she rummages under the bed where all the wedding gifts are stashed, grabs a box, unwraps it, pulls out the fondue pot, shits in it, wipes with the tissue paper, closes it and shoves it under the bed. Just then the groom, having summoned his manly nerve walks out of the bathroom. The bride, being feminine and all, goes into the bathroom to stall for a few minutes so the groom won’t know what she did.
The groom, sitting on the bed =sniff* notices this awful smell!
*sniff* *sniff* Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! *sniff* What can that be? He looks under the bed, finds the box, pulls it out and exclaims, “Honey, there’s shit in your box!!!”
Boom! Boom! Boom! (There’s pounding on the wall…)
The best man yells from the other room, “Turn her over, turn her over!”
Football in outer space
Q: Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?
A: Because there is no atmosphere!
Cliff hanger
A blonde, a brunette, and a readhead are told that if they jump off a certain cliff and say any word they want, they will turn into whatever they say.
The brunette jumps off and says “Eagle!”, and she turns into an eagle and flies away.
The readhead jumps off and says “Hawk!”, and she turns into a hawk and flies away.
The blonde gets a running start, trips on a rock, falls over the edge and yells “OH CRAP!”
A Mother at 65!
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.”Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says, “When the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”
It is when you trip
It is when you trip over your own shoes that you start picking up shoes.
Yo Mama
Yo momma soo poor, I saw her kicking a can across the street, and when I asked her what she was doing she said, “Moving.””
“
Penis Poem
The Joy Of Having A Dick
I’ll tell you a short poem; I’ll try to make it quick. The subject is quite simple: The joy of having a dick.
Penises are super things; You ladies should be jealous. An organ surrounded by sensitive skin. That’s smooth and rarely hairless
It starts to grow dramatically, When you’re about thirteen. Your testicles on either side; Your willy in between.
It dangles neatly down below; Soft, obedient and loyal. At the slightest hint of lust, It’s ready to uncoil.
It often has a mind all of its own; It’s like a wild untamed beast. It squirms and writhes and stretches out; When you expect it least.
Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves; Erecting when it shouldn’t. A bumpy train ride sets it off; Just when you wish it wouldn’t.
And during the summer, wearing little, sunning on the beach. The slightest sight of shaking boobs Makes it squirm just like a leech.
Handle it with love and care; For it can give great pleasure. Has it grown since last weekend? And when did you last measure?
Some people fret about its size; They give it lots of thought. Is seven inches long enough? It makes guys quite distraught.
They peek across in urinals, To compare and try to see But if another glances back at them. There’s no way they can pee.
Masturbating is a sin; That’s what some folk believe. But those are just old wives’ tales; Cuz it really can relieve.
Without this fabulous organ, No shag would be complete. Lesbians will try their best; But must admit defeat.
It has to main bodily functions I’m sure you’ll all agree. To start a whole new life and of course� daily to pee
But I think the thing that’s marvellous; About that one eyed brute. Is that when its trying to procreate, It knows which fluid to shoot
And always it remains with you; Until you’re old and frail. Don’t take it out in public though, or you’ll be thrown in jail.
And so to summarise I’d say with certainty, that every male loves his little friend But girls, no matter what we do, Please don’t fold, spindle mutilate and NEVER NEVER Bend!!!
oops!
A guy farted oops!