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La esposa argentina le dice al esposo argentino:
“Che, ya es hora de que le ense��s al pibe lo que hacen los pajaritos y las mariposas y los conejitos, �vos me entend�s no?”
El argentino entiende y le dice al hijo:
“Che, �te acord�s cuando fuimos al cabaret y nos cogimos ese par de minitas? Bueno, lo mismo hacen los pajaritos y las abejitas y los conejitos…”
Via phone call:Phil: By the way, man, I heard a new joke! What has a small dick and hangs down?Bob: Uh, I dunno… a bat?Phil: Good! Ok, now what has a big dick and hangs up?Bob: Uhm, I don’t know, I give up.*CLICK* bzzzzzzzzzzzz…
A mathematician wandered home at 3 AM. His wife became very upset, telling
him, “You’re late! You said you’d be home by 11:45!” The mathematician replied,
“I’m right on time. I said I’d be home by a quarter of twelve.”
A farmer is sitting in the village pub getting pissed. A man comes in and asks
the farmer,
‘Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?’
Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘So what happened that is so horrible?’
Farmer: ‘Well, if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her.
Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over’
Man: ‘That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal?’
Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain. ‘
Man: ‘So then what happened?’
Farmer: ‘I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some
rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her.
Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.
‘
Man: �Again? So what did you do then?’
Farmer: ‘I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. ‘
Man: �And then what.’
Farmer: ‘I sat back down and continued to milk her and just as I got the
bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.’
Man: ‘Wow, you must have been pretty upset.’
Farmer: ‘Some things you just can’t explain.’
Man: ‘So then what did you do?’
Farmer: ‘Well, I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her
tail to the rafter. At that moment, my pants
fell down and my wife walked in.’
girls are ugly
If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.
Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
14. Jack Titanic
13. Willy Wanka
12. Delores Galores
11. Randy “The Groin from Des Moines” Mann
10. Analstasia
9. Nattily Wood
8. Chuck “Big Gun” Heston
7. Rosie Buttrash
6. me me cummings
5. Gonore’ de Balsac
4. Jock Full O’Nuts
3. Monty Fuller
2. Jennifer Love T’Dewitt
1. Stiffen King
A depressed blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree, so she gathered together a few ropes and walked into the woods. When she got there she tied the ropes around the tree, and then around herself.
A few minutes later, a man walking his dog through the woods came across the blonde. He asked, �What on earth are you doing?�
The blonde replied, �I�m hanging myself!�
The man said, �So why is the rope tied around your stomach instead of round your neck?�
The blonde replied, �Well when I did that I couldn�t breathe!�
The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the death of the
Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.
Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42PM
last evening.
Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and
going, “Pinkie” as he was known to his friends and relatives, was
alone at the time of his death.
An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical Examiner,
Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest
induced by sexual over-stimulation.
Apparently, someone had put Mr.Bunny’s batteries in backwards, and he
kept coming, and coming and coming…..
your momma so fat,
she had to put a sock on each toe.
your momma so fat,
she had to get out of the car,
just to change gears.
The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called the electric company’s complaint department to ask for help.
“The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our community. You must make them stop cursing so much.”, said the nun.
“Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still tend to call a spade a spade.”, said the company spokeswoman.
Mother superior then observed, “I think the term they actually use is ‘fucking shovel!'”.