Una pareja se casa y

Una pareja se casa y se van de luna de miel. El novio, joven e inexperto, en la noche de bodas se duerme sin decirle nada a la novia y �sta piensa que de plano el novio estaba muy cansado tras la parranda.

A la noche siguiente sucede lo mismo y al amanecer del tercer dia la novia le pregunta por qu� no ha habido acci�n y �l le responde:

“Lo que pasa es que de peque�o mi mam� me dijo que las mujeres tienen dientes en su cosa y la verdad no quiero que me la muerdan.”

La mujer se empieza a reir y le dice que no es cierto y le dice que se agache y que le vea su cosa, y el hombre se la ve.

La mujer le dice, “�Ves como no tiene dientes?”

Y �l le responde, “Es cierto,�pero que hecha mierda tienes las enc�as!”

a French man!

there was this french man who came to america. he was walking
down the street and saw a shop selling bukets for 1$ each so he
went inside and he says to the owner “i would like a fuket.’
“you mean a buket?’
“yes a fucket.” so he bought the buket! a few blocks down he saw
a pet shop selling cockaspaniels for 50$ each! so he went inside
and says “i would like to buy a cocker!”
the shop keeper sys “you mean a cokerspainl”
“yes a cocker”and bought one. the next shop he entered was a bar
and they were having happy hour all bud lights for a dallor! so
he asked the bar tender “can i have a butt”
the bar tender says “you mean a bud?’
“yes a butt” so he buys one and at that moment his dog gets lose
and he goes to the guy next to him
“please hold my butt and fucket while i chase my cocker!”

Joys of Hockey

Top 15: Why Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s legal to earn money playing hockey
Many people play hockey even after they’re married
The puck’s always hard
The protective equipment is reusable
It lasts at least an hour
A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon
You always know how big the stick is
You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding
You can change players on the fly
You don’t have to be embarrassed if you don’t get the puck up
Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds
Your parents cheer when you score
Periods last only 20 minutes
You’re sure to get it at least twice a week
You can tell your friends about it afterwards

Three wishes

One day there was this guy who was walking down his back
alley when he tripped over something, he looked back and it
turned out to be a magic lamp. So he picked up the lamp and
started cleaning it, when a Genie came out. The genie said, “I
will grant you three wishes.” So the man said,”Ok, I wish I had
all the money in the world.” so his wish came true. Then he
wished that he can have all the pretty woman in the world, that
wish also came true. Then he said,” I wish I can be hung like a
black guy.” So one day he was in his house enjoying his
beautiful woman an his money, when the doorbell rang and he went
to answer it. Surprisingly here were two guys dressed like the
KKK, so they took him outside and hung him from a tree.

Mother In Law Had Friends

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.

A farmer replied, “Joe’s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.”
“Well,” replied the man, “she must have had a lot of friends.”
“Nope,” said the farmer, “we all just want to buy his mule.”

Quickies

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?

A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?

A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?

A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?

A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?

A: K9P.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?

A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?

A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?

A: Dill-dough

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?

A: He heard the snowblower coming.

The world was stunned by the news, this morning,…

The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the death of the
Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.

Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42PM
last evening.

Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and
going, “Pinkie” as he was known to his friends and relatives, was
alone at the time of his death.

An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical Examiner,
Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest
induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone had put Mr.Bunny’s batteries in backwards, and he
kept coming, and coming and coming…..

La esposa argentina le dice

La esposa argentina le dice al esposo argentino:

“Che, ya es hora de que le ense��s al pibe lo que hacen los pajaritos y las mariposas y los conejitos, �vos me entend�s no?”

El argentino entiende y le dice al hijo:

“Che, �te acord�s cuando fuimos al cabaret y nos cogimos ese par de minitas? Bueno, lo mismo hacen los pajaritos y las abejitas y los conejitos…”