Iba un caracol cruzando la calle y lo atropell� una tortuga; cuando despert� estaba en la sala de terapia intensiva, y el m�dico le pregunta:
“�C�mo ocurri�?”
Y el caracol le responde:
“No s�, �fue todo tan r�pido!”
Author: admin
Q: How many Goths
Q: How many Goths does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. They prefer everything all black anyway.
En la clase de Ciencias
En la clase de Ciencias Naturales, la maestra pregunta a sus alumnos:
“Lolita, �c�mo se llama la vena que recoge toda la sangre del cuerpo y la manda al coraz�n?”
“No s�, maestra”.
“La vena cava, Lolita”.
“A ver, Carlitos, �c�mo se llama la vena que va desde los pulmones al coraz�n?”
“No s�, maestra”.
“La vena pulmonar, Carlitos”.
Entonces, Jaimito le pregunta a la maestra:
“Maestra, �c�mo se llama la vena que va desde la boca al culo?”
“�Jaimito, no seas grosero, por Dios, esa no existe, ni�o!”
“Si existe, maestra, y se llama la vena Quacker!”
Q: there are a black guy and a spanish guy…
Q: there are a black guy and a spanish guy in a car who is driving
A:the cops
Who are you
A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar. A stranger comes by and asks him if he’s all right.
The drunk replies by asking, “Do you know who I am?”
The stranger says, “No. Who are you?”
The drunk proudly says, “I’m Jesus Christ… and I can prove it! Come with me!”
They enter the bar and the bartender looks up and yells, “Jesus Christ! Are you here again?”
a French man!
there was this french man who came to america. he was walking
down the street and saw a shop selling bukets for 1$ each so he
went inside and he says to the owner “i would like a fuket.’
“you mean a buket?’
“yes a fucket.” so he bought the buket! a few blocks down he saw
a pet shop selling cockaspaniels for 50$ each! so he went inside
and says “i would like to buy a cocker!”
the shop keeper sys “you mean a cokerspainl”
“yes a cocker”and bought one. the next shop he entered was a bar
and they were having happy hour all bud lights for a dallor! so
he asked the bar tender “can i have a butt”
the bar tender says “you mean a bud?’
“yes a butt” so he buys one and at that moment his dog gets lose
and he goes to the guy next to him
“please hold my butt and fucket while i chase my cocker!”
Blindness
Viagra may cause blindness, this may be a good thing.
If you’re at the age that you’re taking Viagra, do you really want to see who you’re sleeping with?
Retaliation
What to do if you fall in a conversation with someone over the
terrorist attacks who doesn’t believe in retaliation.
1.Engage in a conversation, and ask if military force is
appropriate.
2.When he says “NO,” ask, “Why not?”
3.Wait untill he says something to the effect of “Because that
would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and
we shouldn’t cause more violence.
4.When he is mid-sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you
can.
5.When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be
a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that
would be awful and he shouldn’t cause more violence.
6.Wait till he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional
violence.
7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
REPEAT STEPS 5 THROUGH 7 UNTIL HE UNDERSTANDS THAT SOMETIMES
IT’S NECESSARY TO STRIKE BACK!
Violin joke
Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?A: Put it in a viola case.
Not so famous Interviews
Julius Caesar – My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I’d like to get away from all that.
Jesse James – I can list among my experience and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks.
Marie Antoinette – My management style has been criticized, but I’d like to think of my self as a people person.
Joseph Guillotine – I can give your company a head start on the competition.
Hamlet – My position was eliminated in a hostile takeover.
Lucretia Borgia – My greatest accomplishment? after I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one.
Pandora – I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things.
Genghis Khan – My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries.
MacBeth – Would I go after my boss’s job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock off his boss for a promotion.
Lady Godiva – What do mean this isn’t business casual?
Elvis – My last boss and I…say, are you going to eat those fries
SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task,
and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Mother In Law Had Friends
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.
A farmer replied, “Joe’s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.”
“Well,” replied the man, “she must have had a lot of friends.”
“Nope,” said the farmer, “we all just want to buy his mule.”