Why did the boy blush when he opened the refridgeorator?
He saw the salad dressing
Author: admin
Violin joke
Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?A: Put it in a viola case.
Retaliation
What to do if you fall in a conversation with someone over the
terrorist attacks who doesn’t believe in retaliation.
1.Engage in a conversation, and ask if military force is
appropriate.
2.When he says “NO,” ask, “Why not?”
3.Wait untill he says something to the effect of “Because that
would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and
we shouldn’t cause more violence.
4.When he is mid-sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you
can.
5.When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be
a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that
would be awful and he shouldn’t cause more violence.
6.Wait till he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional
violence.
7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
REPEAT STEPS 5 THROUGH 7 UNTIL HE UNDERSTANDS THAT SOMETIMES
IT’S NECESSARY TO STRIKE BACK!
Children’s Books You’ll Never See
You Were an Accident Strangers Have the Best Candy The Little Sissy Who Snitched Where Would You Like to Be Buried? Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North America Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes All Dogs Go to Hell The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer, They Say God Did It Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog? Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? Bi-Curious George Daddy Drinks Because You Cry Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver You Are Different and That’s Bad Dad’s New Wife Timothy Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad Babar Meet the Taxidermist Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
Blindness
Viagra may cause blindness, this may be a good thing.
If you’re at the age that you’re taking Viagra, do you really want to see who you’re sleeping with?
Iba un caracol cruzando la
Iba un caracol cruzando la calle y lo atropell� una tortuga; cuando despert� estaba en la sala de terapia intensiva, y el m�dico le pregunta:
“�C�mo ocurri�?”
Y el caracol le responde:
“No s�, �fue todo tan r�pido!”
Mental power outages …
My friend is so stupid: He sent me a fax with a stamp on it. He thought a quarterback was a refund. He tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order. He thought General Motors was in the army. He thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. He tripped over a cordless phone. Wrote “Taurus” where it said “sign here.” He thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
WAYS THE BIBLE WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF WRITTEN BY
* The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning – cold.
* The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a
large font.
* New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
* Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.
* Paul’s letter to the Romans becomes Paul’s e-mail to [email protected].
* Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
* The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
* Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.
* Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn’t
want to ask directions and look like Freshmen.
* Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he
would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an
all-nighter.
Skittles
yo momma so fat when she sat on a rainbow skittles came out
SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task,
and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
New Microsoft Windows advertising slogans
At the time of writing, Microsoft’s slogan for Windows 95 was “Where do you want to go today?” These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.9. I’ll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I’m trying.
I’m blonde
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting
in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did
not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m
not moving.”
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot
to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out
of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York,
and I’m not moving.”
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.
The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.”
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She
immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, “Why
didn’t anyone just say so.”
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her
that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
The pilot replied, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New
York.”