“Change, change, change… That’s all we’ll have in our pockets if Bill Clinton is elected president.” — George Bush
Author: admin
Popeye
What does Popeye do when his favorite tool gets rusty?
He sticks it in Olive Oil.
Differences between good girls and bad girls
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls blush during sex scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls wear white cotton panties.
Bad girls don’t wear any.
Good girls think they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they’re fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarley use it.
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls pack their toothbrush.
Bad girls pack their diaphragms.
Goodgirls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have sex.
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place.
Good girls prefer the missionary postition.
Bad girls do too, but only for starters.
Good girls say ‘no’.
Bad girls say ‘when?’
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo mamma
yo mammas so fat she sat on Walmart and lowerd all the prices.
Blonde on a bus
There is a bus load of people on a bus that just came from a track meet. They were driving down the road and they got a hole in the tire and they stopped and got out. The blonde got out and seen the hole was on the top of the tire and asked how do you get a hole on top of the tire?
What, Exactly, Are C
1. Cats do what they want, when they want.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Yukon!Yukon who?Yukom say
Knock KnockWho’s there?Yukon!Yukon who?Yukom say that again!
Manage your stress!
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air. No one knows your secret place. ou are in total seclusion from that hectic place called “the world”. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person you’re holding under the water. There now…..feeling better???
Heard On Noahs Ark
10. “Did anyone think about bringing a couple ofumbrellas?”9. “Hey, there are more than two flies in here!”8. “Wasn’t someone supposed to put two shovels on board?”7. “OK, who’s the wise-guy who brought the mosquitoes onboard?”6. “Help! I need some Pepto for the elephants, QUICK!”5. “Don’t Make Me Pull This Ark Over And Come Back There!”4. “No Ham, you cannot eat the Pig!”3. “And whatever you do, DO NOT pull this plug out.”2. “Nice Doggie!”AND THE NUMBER ONE THING OVERHEARD ON NOAH’S ARK…..1. “Are We There Yet?”
PC Support
Tech Support hotlines are not easy work, you get calls from all sorts of idiotic users that apparently can’t read a manual, or lack common sense. Here is a transcript of just one such case:
Caller “Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?”
Tech “Yes how can I help you?”
Caller “The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?”
Tech “Excuse, you’ve stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?”
Caller “It came with the computer, I don’t know of any promotion.”
Tech “Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?”
Caller “Yes, it says 4X!”
80’s kids
You might be a child of the ’80s if…
You remember ‘Tiger, Tiger, Jellimeat for dinner.’
You remember the ‘Ma-na-ma-na’ song of the Muppets.
Twenty cents worth of mixed lollies could last you hours and 50 cents, well only older kids could afford that much.
You collected bottles to swap for lollies.
Popsicles were 20 cents.
You decided against rushing out and buying a CD player because you objected to the fact that you were being forced to change your collection.
Picture this… after your nightly bath, dressed in your poncho, ug boots or kung-fu shoes and leg warmers, you sit in a bean bag with your Milo, ready to watch Ready to Roll.
Summers were long and hot.
Mello Yello made you feel so good so fast.
Hey, hey, hey, it’s Fat Albert time.
You wondered how the Coke girls and boys got inside that big clear beach ball.
You remember the advent of AIDS and Ecstasy.
You remember spending the whole day at the beach with no sun block at all and what’s more, you didn’t get burnt – much.
You wore a leather band around your wrist and believed that any boy or girl that broke it, you had to sleep with.
Basketball was only played by Americans.
Sneakers in general were sneakers and not more advanced than your fridge.
Doctor Who scared you silly.
You remember the first space invaders. (Someone in your street had an Atari, right?)
You queued up to see The Village People Movie.
You felt a bit of a thing for Jeannie and Samantha… or better yet Tabitha, or for the girls in Maxwell Smart or Hogan (Hogan ‘s Heroes) who were adorable.
You saw Grease and ET at the movies.
The Mickey Mouse Club was soooooo cool -‘M I C etc.’
You hated missing an episode of M.A.S.H.
You had a $50 Walkman that had fat headphones and chewed tapes after the first three days.
Matchbox cars or Barbies were essential to your development.
You had cardboard dolls (or your sisters did) that came with books of paper clothes that you tore out and stuck on the doll.
The kid with the pool was your best friend… until someone got an in-ground pool.
The only place you could get a pizza was Pizza Hut and it was expensive.
You played dress-ups in your parents’ funky clothes that you would kill to get your hands on now.
Floppy disks were actually floppy.
You actually went through at least one pair of Jandals a year because you wore them so much.
You remember when the first people in your street got a video machine. It was top loading and there was no such thing as a remote control.
Beta vs VHS wars.
You remember a few years later they developed a remote control that was attached by a cord to the video. It was always too short to operate it from the lounge anyway.
Fags were called ‘fags’ and nobody batted an eyelid when eight-year-olds walked down the street with a lolly cigarette hanging out their mouth.
You knew Tommy Lee only for his musical abilities, not the ones shown in the video with Pammy Lee.
You weren’t old enough to go to Aliens.
‘Oh Mickey you’re so fine…’
‘I love rock ‘n’ roll, so put another dime in the jukebox baby…’
‘It’s the final countdown da na na na…’
Any or all of this rings a bell.