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Cabbie

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One dismal rainy night in Sydney a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

‘Where to?’ he stammered.

‘Kings Cross,’ answered the woman.

‘You got it,’ he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, ‘Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?’

‘Well, madam,’ he answered, ‘I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.’

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said,
‘Does this answer your question?’

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, ‘Got anything smaller?’

One Year To Live

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A fellow went to the doctor who told him that he had a bad illness and only a
year to live. So he decided to talk to his pastor.
After the man explained his situation, he asked his Pastor if there was
anything he should do.
“What you should do is go out and buy a late ’70 or early ’80 model Dodge
Pickup,” said the Pastor. “Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can
find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of Oklahoma.”
The fellow asked, “Will this help me live longer?”
“No,” said the pastor, “but it will make what time you do have seem like
forever�.

1. I’m really keen to

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1. I’m really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.3. I’ll kill myself if I don’t get a job.4. I know where you live.5. Any sentence beginning with “I was recently acquitted.”6. I’m really tall, so I think I’d be well suited to this job.7. Happy faces.8. By the way, I understand that you have unmarried daughters.9. I’m confident that I’ll get this job. The voices told me.

Bad stutter

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A big guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?”

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?”

Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: “W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?” And the clerk just seems to ignore him.

Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “why wouldn`t you answer that guy`s question?”

The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”

Revenge

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While at dinner, a man struck up a conversation with a woman in the dining car of a cross-country train. Both, as it turned out, were married and both were traveling on business. Following several after-dinner drinks, the woman confessed that she was sure that her husband would be unfaithful while she was away.

The man admitted he had a similar fear about his wife. “Since we are in the same situation,” the man suggested with an eager gleam in his eye, “perhaps we could extract revenge together.”

With out another word, the two made there way to his sleeping compartment, where their partners’ adultery was passionately avenged. The two lay still for several minutes afterward. Then as her lover turned over to sleep, the woman whispered, “How about one more act of revenge?”

“Sorry,” he yawned , “I’ve already forgiven my wife.”

Children’s Books You’ll Never See

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You Were an Accident Strangers Have the Best Candy The Little Sissy Who Snitched Where Would You Like to Be Buried? Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North America Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes All Dogs Go to Hell The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer, They Say God Did It Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog? Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? Bi-Curious George Daddy Drinks Because You Cry Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver You Are Different and That’s Bad Dad’s New Wife Timothy Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad Babar Meet the Taxidermist Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School

En la clase de Ciencias

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En la clase de Ciencias Naturales, la maestra pregunta a sus alumnos:

“Lolita, �c�mo se llama la vena que recoge toda la sangre del cuerpo y la manda al coraz�n?”

“No s�, maestra”.

“La vena cava, Lolita”.

“A ver, Carlitos, �c�mo se llama la vena que va desde los pulmones al coraz�n?”

“No s�, maestra”.

“La vena pulmonar, Carlitos”.

Entonces, Jaimito le pregunta a la maestra:

“Maestra, �c�mo se llama la vena que va desde la boca al culo?”

“�Jaimito, no seas grosero, por Dios, esa no existe, ni�o!”

“Si existe, maestra, y se llama la vena Quacker!”