what do you do if a monkey falls in love.
you have more sex and no talk.
Author: admin
Estaba Caperucita Roja pasando por
Estaba Caperucita Roja pasando por el campo cuando se le present� el lobo feroz y le dijo:
“Hola caperucita, ya yo se que vas donde tu abuelita, y que llevas manzanas y empanadas en tu canasta y tambi�n le llevas jugo de mango.”
Y responde Caperucita: �Y t� c�mo sabes eso?”
“Es que yo tengo una bola de cristal.”
“�Ay, pobrecito!”
Black and White
What’s black and white and tells the pope to FUCK OFF?
A nun that’s just won the lottery.
Bar… Duckman
A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “May I help you, sir?”The duck says, “Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass.”
Access 97 – Magic Eight Ball
1. Open Access
2. Create a blank Database
3. Go to “Macros”
4. Click on “New”
5. Press space
6. Close the dialog box
7. Click “Yes”
8. Save as “Magic Eight Ball”
9. Go to “View, Toolbars, Customize” and check off macro design
10. Drag the macro to the second toolbar, and Voila!
If she’s still ugly, have
If she’s still ugly, have another beer.
Women Jokes
Q – Why do women have smaller feet than men??
A – So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink!
Q – The dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door… which do you let in first?
A – The dog of course, at least he’ll shut up once he’s inside!
Q – What do you call a woman with 2 brain cells?
A – Pregnant
Q – What do you call a woman that has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A – Divorced
Barbie for Christmas
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas”?
The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe”.
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I thought Barbie comes with Ken.”
“No”, says the little girl. “She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.”
Rodney Dangerfield jokes
Rodney Dangerfield jokes A girl phoned me the other day and said …. Come on over, there’s nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.If it weren’t for pick-pocketers I’d have no sex life at all. And we were poor too. Why if I wasn’t born a boy…. I’d have nothing to play with.During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.One day as I came home early from work ….. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy …. Hey buddy …. why are you doing that for? He said …. Because you came home early. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning …. put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.When I was born …. the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father …. I’m very sorry. We did everything we could but he pulled through.My mother had morning sickness after I was born. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father.He said he wanted more proof.Once when I was lost….. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him ….. do you think we’ll ever find them? He said … I don’t know kid …. there are so many places they can hide.On Halloween …. the parents send their kids out looking like me. Last year… one kid tried to rip my face off! Now its different…when I answer the door the kids hand me candy.My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I’d get. I went to see my doctor. Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror… I feel like throwing up; What’s wrong with me? He said… I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect. My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him …. If you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion. He said …. Alright…. you’re ugly. When I was born the doctor took one look at my face … turned me over and said. Look … twins!
The Top 15 Advertising Catch Phrases That Didn’t Catch On
15> We do chickens, right?
14> Come for the goat cheese. Stay for the pig’s feet!
13> And bring your red-assed baboon!
12> A chestful o’ carcinoma in every puff!
11> A wipe so clean you could eat between them!
10> Find a roach, win a bike!
9> Ding-dong… Diarrhea’s here!
8> 10,000 undertakers can’t be wrong!
7> As Seen On TV If You Were Watching At 4 a.m. Last Tuesday
6> So good you’ll regurgitate it to eat it again
5> Have Another Handful, Lardass
4> It’s the Loaded-With-Alcohol-So-You-Can-Catch-a-Buzz-and-Drown-Out-the-Noise-of-Your-Spouse-and-Kids-Along-With-Your-Cold-Symptoms Medicine
3> Bathroom tissue so squeeze-ably soft, your butt cheeks will give it a bear hug.
2> Almost no chance of infection!
1> Wouldn’t you like to suck our nuts?
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]Things You Can’t Say at Work
Ahhh…I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again…
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.
Landing strip
Maria Ivanovna the teacher came to the class wearing a dress with a deep cut
on her chest, and there hung an airplane-shaped silver pendant. Misha stared at
the teacher throughout the class hour. The bell rang, and Maria Ivanovna asked,
“What, Misha, do you like the airplane?”
“No, the landing strip.”