Looking for Love: “Heartthrob Fabio announced he is looking for his dream
woman,” says Jay Leno. “He says he wants someone who’s funny, secure,
independent and has a good personality. You know what’s really sad- the
one woman in Hollywood who fits those criteria is Ellen DeGeneres.”
Author: admin
Disney left
There were 3 blondes in a nice red sports car. They were driving to disneyland and they figured they were close. They were getting exicited when….they saw a sign that said Disney-Left
Ugly
You’re so ugly it makes your grandmother look hot.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Henry Ford muere y llega
Henry Ford muere y llega al Cielo. En la puerta, San Pedro lo recibe y le dice:
“Bien, t� fuiste una persona buena y ni que decir que tu invenci�n, la l�nea de montaje para autom�viles, cambi� el mundo. Como recompensa, puedes pasear a voluntad en el Cielo. Puedes ir para cualquier lugar”.
Ford piensa por un momento y solicita:
“Yo quiero estar junto a Dios un rato”.
Entonces, San Pedro le pide a un �ngel que acompa�e a Ford a la sala privada del Todopoderoso. Ford entra en la sala y le pregunta a Dios con reverencia:
“Se�or Todopoderoso, cuando inventaste a la mujer, �en qu� pensabas?”
“�Qu� quieres decir con eso?”
�Bueno, Se�or, hay grandes problemas en el proyecto de tu invenci�n:
1. No existe ning�n modelo econ�mico.
2. Hace mucho ruido cuando se calienta.
3. El mantenimiento es extremadamente caro.
4. Necesita constantemente de pintura.
5. Tiene que parar 5 d�as de cada 28.
6. El sistema se tapa y es necesario anularle algunos tramos.
7. Antes del primer tercio de su vida �til se le caen las defensas delanteras y traseras.
8. Las vestiduras se cuartean a los pocos kil�metros.
9. El consumo de combustible es asombroso.
10. Es muy lento comparado con el otro modelo que hiciste.
Y �stos son s�lo algunos de los problemas�.
“Hmmm…, aguarda un minuto”.
Dios va para la Supercomputadora Celestial, hace clic en un icono de la pantalla y, casi instant�neamente, aparece un listado. Dios lee el informe, se vuelve hacia Ford y le dice:
“Puede ser que mi proyecto tenga problemas como t� dices, pero a�n as�, en este preciso momento, hay m�s hombres trepados en mi invento que en el tuyo”.
The River…
One day a blonde walked down to a river, and noticed another
blonde standing on the other side, curiously, the first blonde
asked “How do you get to the other side?” the other blonde
yelled back “Well Heck! You ARE on the other side!”
Un hombre ve�a por la
Un hombre ve�a por la ventana a su peque�a hija hacer un hombre de nieve con un amiguito. Divertido por lo que ve�a, se acerc� y escuch� al ni�o decir: “Tengo una idea. Para terminarlo, ir� a la cocina por una zanahoria.”
Y su hijita respondi�, “Que sean dos. La segunda puede ser su nariz.”
Nearly Blind Painter
There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor’s office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor’s office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, ‘What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?’ To this, the eye doctor responded, ‘I said to myself ‘Thank God I’m not a gynecologist.”
Gaelic football
Three football codes prevail in Ireland: Rugby, which is defined as a thugs’
game played by gentlemen; soccer – a gentleman’s game played by thugs; and
Gaelic football – a thugs’ game played by thugs!
Multi Millionaires
A boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, “Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality.”
His dad says, “Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars.”
He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, “Dad, she said, ‘Yes!”.
“OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question.”
A few minutes later he came back, shocked again. “Dad, she said, ‘Yes!’ also!”
His dad told him, “There you go.”
His son looked at him, puzzled. “Dad I still don’t understand.”
” Look son, POTENTIALLY we are multi-millionaires, but in REALITY we are dead broke and living with a couple of whores.”
black
How do you get a black man out of a tree?
Cut the rope!!
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What is the Arkansas state flower?A: Gennifer.