Q: Why is a man’s pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he’s coming or going.
Author: admin
Bill vs Bill
Bill Clinton and Bill Gates, one day in 1999, were having an, up until the time,intelligent conversation about how to assert power onto others. Being who they are, however, their conversation quickly changed from discussing politics to discussing which of the two had the bigger penis.Clinton strongly forced his view upon Gates by saying Well look at what me and Monica did. Gates however won back the argument by stating. “Well, look what I do to my customers every single day of every single week.” The friendly argument swiftly devolved into a shouting match between the two. I have the biggest penis of any man in the world! Clinton forcefully bellowed I�ll show you! Clinton then unzipped his pants and revealed his monstrous phallus to Gates. “That�s nothing compared to my titanic sabre!” exclaimed Gates. Gates showed his hulk-ish beast to Clinton. It was clearly much greater than Clinton could ever imagine. Mr. Clinton was both infuriated and envious at the same time. He could never let anyone else see how great of a scepter Mr. Gates carried. In a fit of rage, Clinton pulled out his .45 caliber pistol, pointed it at Gates� head, and demanded he never displayed his monster for anyone else�s eyes to see. Gates, having an ego much larger than his giant, forcefully denied Clinton�s envious request.Clinton then called his team of advisors into the room and discussed what they could do to stop Gates from showing his amazing girth to the rest of the world. After minutes of arguing, debating, and eating pizza, they decided to take a knife to Mr. Gates� woodrow and cut it equally in two pieces. The severed half would be given to one of Bill Gates� most trusted employees.Gates would have no part of losing his most prized treasure; he therefore called his army of lawyers to fend off Clinton for just a small time, so Gates could hide his penis. Alas, his minions could only stop Clinton�s superior army for a short while; not nearly long enough for Gates to conceal his cannon. In the end, Clinton was able to cut Gates� pedro in two. Nothing really happened afterwards. Gates remained the greatest dick in the world and Clinton still was the second gun.
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune…
- Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
The Top 16 Cities Named by Potheads
16> Cannabismark, ND
15> Tallahashish, FL
14> Roachanoke, VA
13> Browniesville, TX
12> Toke-Yo, Japan
11> Stashville, TN
10> Sacremellow, CA
9> San Anstonio, TX
8> DudeYouJustTotallyJustThrewUpInMyHairrisburg, PA
7> Bong Kong, China
6> Galvistoned, TX
5> Whoamaha, NE
4> Wreckedjavik, Iceland
3> Munchie, IN
2> Hemphis, TN
1> Dorito, Ohigho
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Watching The Game
A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets
there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him are peeling and
flaking off, and he’s very concerned about grossing out the other fans.
The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his grotesque
appearance won’t disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he
might be able to watch the game. He asks the man in the adjoining seat if it
would be okay to sit there.
The man answers, “Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.”
The leper sits down and adds, “As you can see, I have leprosy. If it disturbs
you, I will move.”
“It doesn’t bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game.”
A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer,
hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere.
Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, “Thank you for allowing me to sit
next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will
find another place to sit.”
“It’s NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.”
So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to
vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and
pretzels shoots out from the man’s mouth and nose until his stomach is
completely emptied.
Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, “Thank you for allowing me to sit
next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will
find another place to sit.”
“Really, it’s NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.”
So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to
vomit again. This time it is the dry heaves. The leper feels absolutely awful at
the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave.
But the man insists, “Really, it’s NOT you.”
So the leper asks, “Well if it’s not me that is making you so sick, then what
is?”
“It’s that guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back.”
Social Scientists
Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.
Bruce Lee is not dead
Bruce Lee is not dead – He’s just kicking around somewhere.
what
whats another word for fag?
Matthew Burciaga
Q: How many cataloguers
Q: How many cataloguers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One, but the Library of Congress has to do it first.
rules
bill says to bob. Let’s set some guide lines.
1: Don’t fucking swear
2: Don’t call people names, bugger-face
3: Smoking isn’t good for you, hey can you get me a pack of
CAMEL ciggarets?
4: Don’t steal cars. Check out that Ferrai!!
Q: How many astronomers
Q: How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, astronomers prefer the dark.
Clinton one-liner
[Post 1994 Election aftermath]I hear that thousands of rafts overflowing with Democrats are washing up on the shores of Cuba.