Q: What’s the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
A: The taste!
Author: admin
Bill vs Bill
Bill Clinton and Bill Gates, one day in 1999, were having an, up until the time,intelligent conversation about how to assert power onto others. Being who they are, however, their conversation quickly changed from discussing politics to discussing which of the two had the bigger penis.Clinton strongly forced his view upon Gates by saying Well look at what me and Monica did. Gates however won back the argument by stating. “Well, look what I do to my customers every single day of every single week.” The friendly argument swiftly devolved into a shouting match between the two. I have the biggest penis of any man in the world! Clinton forcefully bellowed I�ll show you! Clinton then unzipped his pants and revealed his monstrous phallus to Gates. “That�s nothing compared to my titanic sabre!” exclaimed Gates. Gates showed his hulk-ish beast to Clinton. It was clearly much greater than Clinton could ever imagine. Mr. Clinton was both infuriated and envious at the same time. He could never let anyone else see how great of a scepter Mr. Gates carried. In a fit of rage, Clinton pulled out his .45 caliber pistol, pointed it at Gates� head, and demanded he never displayed his monster for anyone else�s eyes to see. Gates, having an ego much larger than his giant, forcefully denied Clinton�s envious request.Clinton then called his team of advisors into the room and discussed what they could do to stop Gates from showing his amazing girth to the rest of the world. After minutes of arguing, debating, and eating pizza, they decided to take a knife to Mr. Gates� woodrow and cut it equally in two pieces. The severed half would be given to one of Bill Gates� most trusted employees.Gates would have no part of losing his most prized treasure; he therefore called his army of lawyers to fend off Clinton for just a small time, so Gates could hide his penis. Alas, his minions could only stop Clinton�s superior army for a short while; not nearly long enough for Gates to conceal his cannon. In the end, Clinton was able to cut Gates� pedro in two. Nothing really happened afterwards. Gates remained the greatest dick in the world and Clinton still was the second gun.
In the Bible
There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered the hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner.
After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man.
“It’s o.k.,” he replied, “it’s written in the Bible.”
So after a wild night of sex the hat check girl asked to see where in the Bible it says it’s okay.
The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first page where someone wrote in pencil – “The hat check girl puts out!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
Homeless Girl
An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about seventeen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, “Please don’t call the police, mister, oh please!! If you don’t, I’ll let you make love to me and do whatever you want with my body!”
The old man thought for a moment and decided to give in. Soon they were naked and in bed together. The old man tried hard and tried hard, but finally, he rolls over, exhausted, and embarrassed.
“I’m sorry, young lady…but it’s no use,” he gasped. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to call the police after all.”
rules
bill says to bob. Let’s set some guide lines.
1: Don’t fucking swear
2: Don’t call people names, bugger-face
3: Smoking isn’t good for you, hey can you get me a pack of
CAMEL ciggarets?
4: Don’t steal cars. Check out that Ferrai!!
Coming or going
Q: Why is a man’s pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he’s coming or going.
The Top 16 Cities Named by Potheads
16> Cannabismark, ND
15> Tallahashish, FL
14> Roachanoke, VA
13> Browniesville, TX
12> Toke-Yo, Japan
11> Stashville, TN
10> Sacremellow, CA
9> San Anstonio, TX
8> DudeYouJustTotallyJustThrewUpInMyHairrisburg, PA
7> Bong Kong, China
6> Galvistoned, TX
5> Whoamaha, NE
4> Wreckedjavik, Iceland
3> Munchie, IN
2> Hemphis, TN
1> Dorito, Ohigho
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Click for Support
Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer: “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn’t, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: “Ok, did you type ‘click’ with the keyboard?”
Customer: “I have done something dumb, right?”
Social Scientists
Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.
Bruce Lee is not dead
Bruce Lee is not dead – He’s just kicking around somewhere.
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune…
- Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Food
Q. Why was the blondes food always burnt?
A. Her timer was the smoke alarm!