your dad is like the old game in the old days,you can pop in a quarter and play with his joy stick
Author: admin
Proof
Proof that truce is stronger than friction.
10 reasons not to jog
For all you health nuts out there: 1) My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now & we don’t know where the heck she is.2) The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.3) I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.4) I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.5) I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.6) I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.7) I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.8) The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.9) If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.10) I don’t jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
No Santa…
A little girl is in line to see Santa When it is her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?” The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and GI Joe”
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I thought Barbie comes with Ken.”
“No,” said the little girl, “she comes with GI Joe. She fakes it with Ken.”
Gas?
Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: How many New
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: 21 – one to change it and 20 to watch it happen without trying to stop it.
It seems that The Count on Sesame Street was…
It seems that The Count on Sesame Street was giving a lecture on his
thoughts on Godel’s Theorem and there was a great need for extra transportation
services to this event. After all, people like Gordon, Bob, Maria, Mr. Hooper,
and all can only take so much of the “Which is not like the other” mentality.
Anyway, since the Speedy Delivery Service run by Mr.McFeeley (what a name for
a character on a children’s show!) was being pushed out of Mr. Roger’s
Neighborhood by Federal Express, he thought he would sign on as a bus driver
for the Sesame Street Bus Company. Besides, he was do for another trip to the
Magic Kingdom and that was getting expensive these days.
On the morning of the big event he kissed his wife goodbye and hopped
onto his bus and began driving his route. At the first stop there were two
rather plump twins, so he stopped. As they got on he said “Hi there! Welcome to
the Sesame St. bus! I’m Mr. McFeeley, who are you?” The twins said “We’re
named Patty” and they then waddled to their seats. He started to drive and at
the next stop he saw a rather dejected looking man and stopped to pick him up.
“Hi there”, said Mr. McFeeley,”why do you look so said?” The man said, ” I have
no friends and I’m terribly lonely.” With that Mr. Mcfeeley replied,”what is
your name?” The man replied, “Saul”. “Well, you can be my special friend Saul”,
said Mr. McFeeley. The man looked much happier and skipped to his seat. Mr.
McFeeley then went on his way to the next bus stop and saw two men waiting,
though one looked rather familiar. He stopped and gave his greeting to the
first man. Mr. McFeeley learned that his name was Lester Cheese. Mr. McFeeley
then recognized the other man to be Don Rickles. Apparently he looked to be
in some kind of pain. “Welcome to the Sesame Street Bus Mr. Rickles! You look
like you’re in a lot of pain.” “That’s right, I’ve got bunyons you hockey puck!”
And with that Mr. McFeeley completed his route to the symposium.
When Mr. McFeeley returned home his wife said, “How did it go today
dear?” Mr. McFeeley replied, “Just great! I had two obese Patties, a special
friend Saul, Lester Cheese, and Don Rickles with Bunyons all on the Sesame
Bus!” They then took their valium and went to the Magic Kingdom.
Your Clock’s Spinning
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It’s a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, “I’m not very busy today, why don’t you let me show you around?” The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer.
St. Peter shows him all the sights – the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a HUGE room full of clocks. The guy asks, “What’s up with these clocks?”
St. Peter explains, “Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged.” The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why is that?
St. Peter explains, “Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock.”
This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one clock in the center of the ceiling. On this clock, both hands are spinning at an unbelievable rate. So he asks, “What’s the story with that clock?”
“Oh, that,” St. Peter replies, “That’s President Clinton’s clock. We decided to use it as a fan.”
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.199. Come home at three in the morning wearing shredded jeans and no shirt. Dive into the room and under your bed. Tell your roommate that you were being held captive by ten foot soldiers in full battle array.
The top ten signs that someone is using your e-mail account
10. “Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?”9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.8. Apparently, your flame war with [email protected] is about to turn ugly.7. When you log on, your computer says “You’ve got lawsuits!”6. You’re suddenly getting more Spam than the Hormel outlet store.5. Sotheby’s says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change.4. You now have 130,000 ClubTop5 subscriptions and the list moderator is on the cover of Business Week.3. Terse “Knock it off, Oedipus” e-mail from your Mom.2. Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived.1. “The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately.”This document copyright � 1999 by Chris White.
Three Kinds of Sex
The Three officially recognized kinds of sex are …
HOUSE SEX: When you’re newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room of the house.
BEDROOM SEX: After you’ve been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom.
HALLWAY SEX: After you’ve been married for many, many years and you just pass by each other in the hallway and say “Fuck You! ! !”
Poor joke
your family so poor that they have a milk carton for a house and when you stick the key in to open the door you stab everybody.