Author: admin

I followed the Tracks

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One day an Aggie, a Lonhgorn, and a Baylor bear are hunting.
They each
are gonna go for a day.

The longhorn goes first. He leaves early in the morning. He
does not come
back until very late that night. He had a huge 12 point buck
with him.
The Baylorbear and Aggie ask him how he did it. He replied “
Simple, I
followed the tracks and… boom I hit him.”

The Baylor Bear goes the next day day and the same thing
happens. A beautiful
12 point buck. The Aggie asks How did you do it. He replies
“Simple, I followed
the tracks and… boom I hit him.

The next day the Aggie goes. He leaves very early and doesn’t
come back that night.
The Baylor bear and Longhorn think he probably just got got
tired and made a camp
somewhere. They figured he’d be back early in the morning.

Morning comes and sure enough he’s there. The Aggie is standing
there all beat up and
has bruises all over his body. The Longhorn and Baylor bear are
curious and they ask what happened.
He says ” I followed the tracks and… boom a train hit me!

Drink For The Women

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One day this big, nasty, sweaty woman wearing a raggedy sleeveless sundress walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, ‘What man out there will buy a lady a drink?’The whole bar goes dead silent as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little piss head slams his hand on the bar and says, ‘Barman, I want to buy that ballerina a drink.’The barman pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. After she’s completed the drink, she turns again to the throng and points around at all of them, again revealing the hairy armpit, saying,’What man out there will buy a lady a drink?’Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and slurs to the barman, ‘Sir, I would like to buy the ballerina another drink.’After serving the lady her second drink, the barman approaches the little drunkard and says, ‘It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?’To which, the drunk replies, ‘Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina.’

Tax Man

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A tax official has come to a rural synagogue for an inspection.
The rabbi is accompanying him.

“So rabbi tell me, please, after you have distributed all your
unleavened bread, what do you do with the crumbs?”

“Why, we gather them carefully and send them to the city and
then they make bread of them again and send it back to us.”

“Ah. So what about candles after they are burnt? What do you do
with the drippings?”

“We send them to the city as well, and they make new candles
from them and send them to us.”

“And what about circumcision? What do you do with those leftover
pieces?”

Wearily, the rabbi replies, “We send them to the city as well.”

“To the city!? And what do they send to you?”

“Today they have sent you to us.”