Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans.
Author: admin
John and Bill went on their annual camping…
John and Bill went on their annual camping and hunting trip.
John spent the first night drinking beer and talking about how many deer he
hoped to shoot.
The next morning they got up early, John wasn’t feeling good, so Bill went
off hunting without him.
John was so hung over that when he went to take a dump, he fell asleep
sitting there on the log.
Bill got a deer early and camme back to find John sleeping. As a joke he
gutted the deer, put the insides under John, and left without waking him.
An hour later John wondered back into camp, his face white as a sheet.
“What’s wrong?” asked Bill.
“I drank so much last night I shit my guts out,” said John, “But by the
grace of God and a greasy stick, I got them all back in!”
I don’t suffer from insanity,
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Gas?
Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Tigger
Why did Tigger get his head stuck in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh.
Tax Man
A tax official has come to a rural synagogue for an inspection.
The rabbi is accompanying him.
“So rabbi tell me, please, after you have distributed all your
unleavened bread, what do you do with the crumbs?”
“Why, we gather them carefully and send them to the city and
then they make bread of them again and send it back to us.”
“Ah. So what about candles after they are burnt? What do you do
with the drippings?”
“We send them to the city as well, and they make new candles
from them and send them to us.”
“And what about circumcision? What do you do with those leftover
pieces?”
Wearily, the rabbi replies, “We send them to the city as well.”
“To the city!? And what do they send to you?”
“Today they have sent you to us.”
Drink For The Women
One day this big, nasty, sweaty woman wearing a raggedy sleeveless sundress walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, ‘What man out there will buy a lady a drink?’The whole bar goes dead silent as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little piss head slams his hand on the bar and says, ‘Barman, I want to buy that ballerina a drink.’The barman pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. After she’s completed the drink, she turns again to the throng and points around at all of them, again revealing the hairy armpit, saying,’What man out there will buy a lady a drink?’Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and slurs to the barman, ‘Sir, I would like to buy the ballerina another drink.’After serving the lady her second drink, the barman approaches the little drunkard and says, ‘It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?’To which, the drunk replies, ‘Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina.’
Going to the Doctor
An old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat, when his wife said, “Where are you going?”
The elderly man replied, “To the doctor.”
Surprised his wife asked “Why, are you sick?”
“No,” he said, “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”
With that his equally elderly wife got up out of her rocker and started putting on her sweater.
Surprised, he asked, “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to the doctor, too”.
“Why?”
She said, matter-of-factly, “If you’re going to start using that rusty, old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”
Solid pun
A roller blader was whizzing down the sidewalk and all of a sudden disappeared into a pool of quicksand….because he took everything for granite!
PEE PEE SAMPLE
An old man an his wife were going to the docter because the old man had to get a checkup.When they got to the doctor’s office the doctor said to the old man”I need your uran sample””.””What…What..””replied the old man.””He needs your underwear””said the old man’s wife.
“
Dos sacerdotes estaban hospedados en
Dos sacerdotes estaban hospedados en un convento para participar en un gran evento religioso. Para no incomodar a las hermanas que resid�an all�, los curas sal�an poco de su cuarto y tomaban el ba�o muy tarde, para no encontrarse con ninguna monja. Una noche salieron de su cuarto a tomar el ba�o y ya estando all� se dieron cuenta que no hab�a jabones. Entonces, uno de ellos dijo:
“Yo tengo jabones en mi cuarto. Voy a buscarlos”.
Pensando en ganar tiempo, y sin imaginar que pudiera aparecerse alguien a esas horas, el padre fue a buscar los jabones completamente desnudo. Ya en su cuarto, tom� dos jabones, uno en cada mano, y se dirigi� al ba�o, donde lo esperaba el otro religioso. A mitad del corredor se encontr� con tres monjas que se quedaron perplejas. Como no hab�a donde esconderse, el sacerdote se peg� a la pared y se qued� inm�vil, como una estatua. Las tres hermanas se acercaron a la estatua, admirando la perfecci�n de la obra, hasta que una de ellas llev� una mano a los genitales y jal� el miembro del padre, que, asustado, dej� escapar un jab�n. La segunda monja exclam�:
“�Madre m�a, es una estatua distribuidora de jabones!”
Las hermanas se quedaron maravilladas y, para comprobarlo, la otra hermana tambi�n jal� del miembro del padre, que inmediatamente solt� un jab�n m�s. Entonces, la tercera monja repiti� la operaci�n y no vio ning�n jab�n. Intent� jalar una vez m�s �y nada! Otra vez y otra vez, todo para recibir un jab�n, hasta que grit�, llena de entusiasmo:
“�Hermanas, la estatua tambi�n suelta jab�n l�quido!”
Why did the Clintons switch from MCI to AT&T?
Q: Why did the Clintons switch from MCI to AT&T?
A: They didn’t have enough friends left to make a calling circle.