What is a blonde’s definition of a naval destroyer. A hula hoop with a nail in it.
Author: admin
Q: How many Canadians
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Four. One to spray green paint onto the bulb so noone bashes it with a big stick, one to change it, one to suggest they all roll a log down a hill to celebrate, and one to invite all the others round to his log cabin so they can all watch his moose moult.
Hot Dogs
Two Chinese tourists were visiting USA. After some rambling, they got rather hungry.
The first said, “I’d love to eat some dog.”
The second “Me, too! And look at that sign! It says, ‘HOT DOGS’!”
The other Chinese flicks through his English-Chinese dictionary and is confirmed that they serve dog there. They both walk into the shop and order hot dogs.
After receiving their meals, the first Chinese looks between the bun and goes all white. He stares at his friend and asks, “Which part of the dog’s anatomy did YOU get?”
The man enters a drugstore:
– Give me a pack of condoms.
– What size?
– I do not know…
– Well, take this board with holes, and go to the toilet and measure.
In 10 minutes the man comes back:
– I have changed my mind, I don’t need the condoms. How much is this board?
Mistaken Identity
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”
“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the druggist, “I know you – aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?”
“Yeah, so?” said the officer. “Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?”
Computers are male
10 Reasons why computers are male.
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter
Golfing with cows
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
“We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.
“I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”
“What did you do?” asks the doctor.
“Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!'”
Edited by Tds181 and Curtis
I followed the Tracks
One day an Aggie, a Lonhgorn, and a Baylor bear are hunting.
They each
are gonna go for a day.
The longhorn goes first. He leaves early in the morning. He
does not come
back until very late that night. He had a huge 12 point buck
with him.
The Baylorbear and Aggie ask him how he did it. He replied “
Simple, I
followed the tracks and… boom I hit him.”
The Baylor Bear goes the next day day and the same thing
happens. A beautiful
12 point buck. The Aggie asks How did you do it. He replies
“Simple, I followed
the tracks and… boom I hit him.
The next day the Aggie goes. He leaves very early and doesn’t
come back that night.
The Baylor bear and Longhorn think he probably just got got
tired and made a camp
somewhere. They figured he’d be back early in the morning.
Morning comes and sure enough he’s there. The Aggie is standing
there all beat up and
has bruises all over his body. The Longhorn and Baylor bear are
curious and they ask what happened.
He says ” I followed the tracks and… boom a train hit me!
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: Why won’t they hire a blonde pharmacist? A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Your Momma is so fat
Your Momma is so fat her blood group is Dolmio
Iraqi Bingo
Q. How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A. B-52…F-16…B-2
Going to the Doctor
An old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat, when his wife said, “Where are you going?”
The elderly man replied, “To the doctor.”
Surprised his wife asked “Why, are you sick?”
“No,” he said, “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”
With that his equally elderly wife got up out of her rocker and started putting on her sweater.
Surprised, he asked, “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to the doctor, too”.
“Why?”
She said, matter-of-factly, “If you’re going to start using that rusty, old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”