Author: admin

What did one fat chick say to the other?
Who cares, they’re both fat.

What do true rednecks do on Halloween?

– Pump kin.

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted in him getting his eye gouged out. He was rushed to hospital, and, after awaking from an emergency operation, was told by the doctor that he’d been given a glass eye. The man looked in the mirror to see the result, and was shocked to see that, whereas his original eye colour was blue, his new glass eye was brown. The man was outraged. ”I can’t walk around like this!!””Sir,” the doctor said, “there is a severe shortage on blue eyes. We had to give you a brown one. If somehow you can get hold of a blue eye, and bring it here to the hospital, we will happily fit it for you.” A few weeks later, the man was driving home from work late one night during a big storm. Suddenly, the car in front of him lost control and skidded off the road before finally hitting a tree. The man screeched to a halt, and ran down the embankment to see if he could help. He found the driver of the car sprawled out over the wreckage, dead as a doornail…with a blue glass eye! As it was so late at night and during such a big storm, noone was about. So the man proceeded to get a screwdriver and removed one of the deceased man’s blue eyes, replacing it with his brown glass eye. He raced down to the local hospital to have the replacement blue eye fitted. A few days later, the man was driving along the same stretch of road when he saw the police examining the crash scene and towing the car wreck away. Concerned to find out if the police were on to him, the man decided to go over to try and see if the police had any leads. ”Excuse me, sir,” said the policeman.”Do you know anything about this at all?””No, constable”, said the man.”Well, we can’t figure this out. Somehow, this bloke managed to drive 40 miles with two glass eyes!”

A guy is going to go on a buisness trip, and he doesn’t want his wife to cheat on him, so he goes into a porn shop. He walks up to the guy at the front counter, and tells him his story, and asks for something that will work for sure, since he’s going to be gone for several weeks.

The store’s clerk replies, “well I have one thing, but it’s kind of expensive.”

The man asks “is there’s anything else?”

The clerk says “not that will for sure work.”

So the man says “alright, what is it?”

“Well it’s called voodoo dick. How it works is, you say voodoo dick, then say whatever part of your body you want it to fuck.”

Okay the guy says, and buys it. When he brings it home to his wife, she insists that it is not necissary. He explains how to use it to her anyways, and leaves on his trip.

Later that night his wife was curious about the voodoo dick. So she opened it up, pulled down her panties, and said “voodoo dick my pussy”.

Instantly the voodoo dick starts fucking her. She has several orgasms before she wants it to stop, but she doesn’t know how to get it to stop, and can’t figure it out. So she decides to go to the hospital.
She’s driving there, the voodoo dick still fucking her and she’s still having orgasms, When a cop sees how horribly she’s driving, and pulls her over.

He walks up to her window, starts telling her what she has done. When he looks at her and asks “what the fuck are you doing?”

She explains about how her husband didn’t want her to cheat on him while he was away, so he got her the voodoo dick, and how it works. She also explains to the officer that she is on the way to the hospital, because she can’t figure out how to get the voodoo dick to stop.

When she finishes he laughs and says “voodoo dick my ass.”

Pepito llama al oficial de polic�a:

“Oficial, mi pap� se est� peleando con un tipo.”

“�D�nde?”

“A la vuelta de la esquina.”

Doblan la esquina y efectivamente dos tipos se est�n sacando la mugre a golpes. El oficial le pregunta a Pepito:

“R�pido Pepito, dime �quien de los dos es tu pap�?”

“�En eso andan, oficial!”