The next time your having a bad day think about this:
-you are a siamees twin
-your brother attached to your soldure is gay
-your NOT
-he has a date coming over tonight
-but you only have one Ass
Author: admin
Off to Bangor
Joe: I’m taking the wife up North this year, to Bangor.
Sam: Christ, mine makes me take her to the Caribbean for that.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Your mummus
your mummas so old she sat next to jesus in the 3rd grade
Yo mamma is sooo fat
yo mamma is so fat when she walks down a street wearing a red dress, kids yell, “hey kool- aid”
“Hola, cari�o, �c�mo te fue
“Hola, cari�o, �c�mo te fue en el golf?”, pregunt� Estela a su esposo Pedro.
“Bien, estaba dando buenos golpes, pero mi vista est� tan mal que no ve�a a donde iba la bola”.
“�Claro, si tienes 75 a�os, qu� esperabas! �Por qu� no llevas a mi hermano Santiago contigo?”
“�Pero si �l tiene 85 y ya no juega golf!”
“Pero su vista sigue perfecta. �l puede ver a donde va la bola y decirte”.
Al d�a siguiente, Pedro estaba jugando y Santiago miraba a su lado. Pedro golpe� con fuerza y la bola sali� disparada un buen tramo.
“�La viste?”, pregunt� Pedro.
“S�”, respondi� Santiago.
“Bueno, �y d�nde cay�?” pregunt� Pedro, esforzando la vista sin alcanzar a ver nada.
“Ya no me acuerdo…”
A quote on marriage
My wife says if I go fishing one more time she’s going to leave me. Gosh, I’m going to miss her.
Osama is Celebate
Why doesn’t Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
Divorce Time
Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce.The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds.My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.””What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?””No,” replied the woman, “and neither does the little queer.”
Blonde horse riding
There once was a blonde riding a horse. It was going very fast. All of a sudden she started to fall off! she tried to grab the mane,reins, saddle, tail, and body. It did not work. She yelled for help. Finally the Wal-Mart manager came over and unplugged it!
Happy to be married
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his
place by the altar and the best man notices that the groom
has the biggest, brightest smile on his face. The best man
says, “Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married,
but what’s up – you look so excited.”
The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have ever had
in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who
gave it to me.”
The bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the
biggest, brightest smile on her face. The maid of honor notices
this and says, “Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be
getting married, but what’s up, you look so excited.”
The bride replies, “I have just given the last blow job of my
entire life!”
You’re a redneck … your kids are going
You’re a redneck if….
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite
Sam mud flaps.
Condom Slogans
1. Cover your stump before you hump.
2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.
3. Don’t be silly, protect your willy.
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.
5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner.
6. You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong.
7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
11. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat.
13. While you’re undressing venus, dress up that penis.
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse.
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
17. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
18. The right selection! Protect your erection.
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.
20. A crank with armor will never harm her.
21. If yo really love her, wear a cover.
22. Don’t make a mistake! Muzzle your snake.
23. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
24. If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
25. No glove, No love.
26. Don’t be in such a jiffy, cover your stiffy.
27. AIDS is no joke, be sure to wrap before you poke.
28. Even though you’re tired and sleepy, take the time to wrap your pee-pee.
29. You know you shouldy wear a condom on that woody.